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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Is is often said that government spend too much money on project to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #project #wildlife
it is common to express that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 spent a lot of
money
 on projects to preserve
wildlife
,
while
 there are many civilians that believe that there are other aspects that are crucial.
This
 essay agrees that there are more important problems to resolve in
society
 because there are hundreds and hundreds of
children
 starving, and elderly people who lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
medical
attention
. One of the main problems that
society
 has
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 that many
children
 are dying from starvation because many parents are unable to pay for
food
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their kids. It is
crutial
Correct your spelling
crucial
critical
 that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 pays
attention
Correct quantifier usage
more attention
show examples
 to
society
's poverty than
wildlife
 because
children
 have the right to be protected and
feeded
Correct your spelling
fed
show examples
 by
this
 nation.
Also
,
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to invest a lot of
money
Change preposition
in
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 free
food
 programs to cover
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
kids
Change noun form
kids'
show examples
 basic
necesities
Correct your spelling
necessities
 to make sure our future generations will be able to be functional in
society
.
For instance
, in the United States, there are free
food
 stamps for all families that make less
money
 and need
food
 or clothing, so they can provide
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
what
Change preposition
with what
show examples
 they need. Another important aspect that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to pay
attention
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 population because the vast majority have no medical
attention
, and
this
 is more important than
protect
Change the form of the verb
protecting
show examples
wildlife
.
Firstly
, seniors are an important part of our
society
 because they have worked for
this
 country and they
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
 to be protected by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. If they are left behind, our young adolescents might feel
discourage
Change the verb form
discouraged
show examples
 to work harder for their future because they will see they are not well
value
Replace the word
valued
show examples
. To illustrate
this
, in Anaheim California, the vast majority of elderly people are covered by social security funds that cover their
food
 expenses and medical needs.
To conclude
,
wildlife
 is not more important than
children
 and elderly people, so the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 needs to invest more
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
food
 and medical programs to protect those who are in need, so
this
 way we will protect the most important lives in our
society
.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity and coherence, consider varying your sentence structures and using more transitional phrases to seamlessly connect your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure to address the prompt fully by balancing the discussion between the importance of protecting wildlife and societal issues, highlighting why one may be prioritized over the other.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos (e.g., 'goverment' to 'government', 'feeded' to 'fed') to improve the overall readability.
logical structure
Your essay demonstrates a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, such as the use of food stamps in the United States and social security funds in Anaheim, California.
complete response
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the significance of prioritizing human needs over wildlife protection.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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