IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

With the increase in transport and accommodation problems in many cities, some governments are encouraging businesses to move to rural areas. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#transport #accommodation #cities #governments #businesses #move #areas #outweigh
In recent years, businesses have been induced to move to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 by the governments after traffic congestion and overpopulation concerns.
While
 there are several disadvantages of
this
 tendency
such
 as the loss of green spaces ,I believe that they are not
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
 as the advantages, including decreased
air
 pollution. The main concern of businesses moving to rural
areas
 is that it can lead to a decrease in green spaces.
This
 is because companies will construct many accommodation places in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 by clearing trees or other green
areas
 and it can lead to deleterious effects on the environment.
For example
,some large cities
such
 as London encourage companies to settle in rural parts of the country.
As a result
,it has led to devastating effects on nature by clearing trees or other green spaces. Despite advantages,
this
 tendency has several benefits that are more important than the concerns.One of the primary merits is that it can be beneficial in terms of the environment.As vehicles emit harmful fumes
such
 as Carbon Dioxide it may create an
air
 contamination problem. If the accommodation places move to the countryside,the number of cars can decline significantly and can
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 the environment.
For instance
,some cities which suffer from congestion and overpopulation issues create residential
areas
 in rural
areas
 and
consequently
,the emission of harmful gases has declined significantly and eradicated the
air
 pollution problem. Taking everything into account,
although
 the issue of moving to the rural
areas
 of the companies has several disadvantages
such
 as adverse effects on nature,I believe that they are outweighed by the advantages
such
 as decreased
air
 pollution
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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is provided. Specifically stating your opinion at the end of the introduction can help clarify your stance to the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific, real-world examples can significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability of your essay. Utilizing a mixture of complex and simple sentences can make your essay more engaging.
general
Proofread your essay to avoid minor grammatical inaccuracies. Although they're not severely impacting, reducing these can polish your writing.
task achievement
Addressed both sides of the argument, acknowledging disadvantages before arguing for the greater benefits of the proposed solution.
coherence cohesion
Maintained a generally logical sequence of ideas, especially in arguing for the environmental benefits of moving businesses to rural areas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Alleviates
  • Economical benefits
  • Environmental conservation
  • Work-life balance
  • Urban congestion
  • Infrastructure limitations
  • Rural gentrification
  • Cultural heritage preservation
  • Green spaces
  • Skilled workforce
  • Decentralization
  • Sustainable development
  • Telecommuting
  • Rural revitalization
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