IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

New technologies and ways of buying and selling are transformingthe lives of consumers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#technologies #transformingthe #lives #consumers
Emerging high technology and changes in shopping methods have brought advances to the businesses of buyers and sellers. I completely agree with the statement given as it targets a larger audience and allows traders to explore various options to increase profits.
First,
modern science has developed and connected many different social platforms together to reach millions of users. People use different online sites to shop and recommend products to their loved ones in case they find
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 useful, which
also
 helps with
overall
 marketing.
For example
, many sellers use marketing strategies to display their products on TikTok and Facebook platforms. From there, these platforms bring trust to customers
along with
 greater profits for suppliers.
Second,
today's younger generation begins to shop more on the Internet than going to the market because it takes less time. Even though they have to step out to check out the items they need to buy, buyers still choose to make purchases via their smartphones, which only takes a few minutes.
Additionally
, if inventory is advertised on social sites,
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and product display costs will be saved. In conclusion, advances in technology transform our lives in a good way regarding greater efficiency and improvements in living standards.
Submitted by thuhong.68hnue on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure was well executed in your essay.
Linking
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas and paragraphs more effectively. This enhances coherence and cohesion throughout your essay.
Development
Develop your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Elaborating on your examples will strengthen your arguments and support your viewpoints more convincingly.
Task Response
Pay attention to the prompt and make sure your response covers all aspects of it. Your essay addressed the topic, but further exploration of the impacts could provide a more thorough response.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.
Examples
The use of modern examples (e.g., TikTok, Facebook) is effective in illustrating your points and making them relevant to current trends.
Introduction
The introduction effectively paraphrases the question and clearly states your opinion, setting the stage for the rest of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: