Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.

#people #children #uncles #aunts #grandparents

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In several regions, it seems to be a challenge for over 50-year-old individuals to seek

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

appropriate work positions in spite of their noticeable experience. There is a wide range of reasons for

this

kind of phenomenon

as well as

a number of solutions to improve the situation.

This

essay will analyze and discuss

such

practices

along with

my own perspectives. First and foremost,

people

who are older than 50 years old typically approach

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

retirement, which

also

means that they are hardly able to sign

long term

Add a hyphen

long-term

show examples

contract

Fix the agreement mistake

contracts

show examples

For example

, the age of superannuation in Vietnam is 55 and 60 regarding to women and men respectively.

Therefore

, they will have only a few years left until the moment they resign so it will be a waste of time

as well as

resources in training for them. If they are more than that age, they will be unable to dedicate fully to the companies

owning

Correct your spelling

owing

show examples

to the lack of flexibility of variable working environments.

In addition

, the older they become, the more responsibility they have to take on in

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

show examples

of family.

Hence

this

kind of

applicants

Fix the agreement mistake

applicant

show examples

seems to be incapable of committing thoroughly themselves to the job. Second of all, increasing in age level

also

leads to a plethora of health issues.

While

younger

Add an article

the younger

show examples

generation is supposed to be more active and self-motivated to engage in divergent assignments, the former ones depend a lot upon health situation. Seldom

Verb problem

are

show examples

they

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

in the night shifts or work overtime.

Moreover

, they find it extremely challenging to learn innovative technology to keep up with the youth.

As a result

, participating in a team with other members will

then

shape them in the prejudice of underwhelmed productivity.

This

can lead to potential conflict among fellow colleagues in case they are unable to maintain professional integrity under stressful

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

Nevertheless

, there is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

plenty of solutions which can be taken into consideration to address

this

issue. It has to be based on not only the intervention of the government but

also

the self-effort of the

people

who are more than 50 years old.

For instance

, the authority can modify the current law of salary and bonus regime for experienced

people

, especially for experts.

Furthermore

, senior employees who consider themselves to be potentially laid-off ought to stay updated with the novel application of science and technology by taking part in workshops to

further

improve their value which

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

remain

Verb problem

maintain

show examples

their current positions.

Besides

, they should both put more effort into enhancing physical health and balance their personal life versus their career so as to meet the demand of multitasks. I strongly have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

thought that with obvious determination, great

attempt

Fix the agreement mistake

attempts

show examples

along

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

perseverance will

finally

end up with

desired

Correct article usage

the desired

show examples

success. In conclusion, it is reasonable to comprehend the problem of old

people

seeking

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

good jobs, yet there are a number of solutions to solve it as well. It requires a lot of

endeavor

Change the spelling

endeavour

show examples

from both candidates and the interference of the government so that we can enhance the situation.

Submitted by jakelong16091994 on Wed Apr 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore issues and solutions thoughtfully, and a conclusion that summarises the main points. To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to demonstrate advanced language control.

task achievement

You have successfully addressed the task, providing relevant examples and a comprehensive discussion on the topic. For an even better score, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your conclusion is both clear and strongly tied back to your thesis.

content

You provided a balanced analysis of the issue, discussing both the challenges older individuals face in the job market and the possible solutions.

structure

The use of a clear structure and paragraphing helps in presenting your arguments in a cohesive and persuasive manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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19
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

506 words

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Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this? How could more people be encouraged to come into the teaching profession?

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that a country will benefit greatly by a high percentage of young people going to universities. Others argue that it only leads to a higher unemployment rate. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.