Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.
In several regions, it seems to be a challenge for over 50-year-old individuals to seek
for
appropriate work positions in spite of their noticeable experience. There is a wide range of reasons for Change preposition
apply
this
kind of phenomenon as well as
a number of solutions to improve the situation. This
essay will analyze and discuss such
practices along with
my own perspectives.
First and foremost, people
who are older than 50 years old typically approach the
retirement, which Correct article usage
apply
also
means that they are hardly able to sign long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
contract
. Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
For example
, the age of superannuation in Vietnam is 55 and 60 regarding to women and men respectively. Therefore
, they will have only a few years left until the moment they resign so it will be a waste of time as well as
resources in training for them. If they are more than that age, they will be unable to dedicate fully to the companies owning
to the lack of flexibility of variable working environments. Correct your spelling
owing
In addition
, the older they become, the more responsibility they have to take on in term
of family. Fix the agreement mistake
terms
Hence
, this
kind of applicants
seems to be incapable of committing thoroughly themselves to the job.
Second of all, increasing in age level Fix the agreement mistake
applicant
also
leads to a plethora of health issues. While
younger
generation is supposed to be more active and self-motivated to engage in divergent assignments, the former ones depend a lot upon health situation. Seldom Add an article
the younger
do
they Verb problem
are
involve
in the night shifts or work overtime. Wrong verb form
involved
Moreover
, they find it extremely challenging to learn innovative technology to keep up with the youth. As a result
, participating in a team with other members will then
shape them in the prejudice of underwhelmed productivity. This
can lead to potential conflict among fellow colleagues in case they are unable to maintain professional integrity under stressful condition
.
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
Nevertheless
, there is a
plenty of solutions which can be taken into consideration to address Remove the article
apply
this
issue. It has to be based on not only the intervention of the government but also
the self-effort of the people
who are more than 50 years old. For instance
, the authority can modify the current law of salary and bonus regime for experienced people
, especially for experts. Furthermore
, senior employees who consider themselves to be potentially laid-off ought to stay updated with the novel application of science and technology by taking part in workshops to further
improve their value which help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
remain
their current positions. Verb problem
maintain
Besides
, they should both put more effort into enhancing physical health and balance their personal life versus their career so as to meet the demand of multitasks. I strongly have a
thought that with obvious determination, great Correct article usage
apply
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
along
with
perseverance will Change preposition
apply
finally
end up with desired
success.
In conclusion, it is reasonable to comprehend the problem of old Correct article usage
the desired
people
seeking for
good jobs, yet there are a number of solutions to solve it as well. It requires a lot of Change preposition
apply
endeavor
from both candidates and the interference of the government so that we can enhance the situation.Change the spelling
endeavour
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore issues and solutions thoughtfully, and a conclusion that summarises the main points. To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to demonstrate advanced language control.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task, providing relevant examples and a comprehensive discussion on the topic. For an even better score, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your conclusion is both clear and strongly tied back to your thesis.
content
You provided a balanced analysis of the issue, discussing both the challenges older individuals face in the job market and the possible solutions.
structure
The use of a clear structure and paragraphing helps in presenting your arguments in a cohesive and persuasive manner.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example