Some people suggest that bringing up children by the whole family including uncles , aunts and grandparents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and example.

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In several regions, it seems to be a challenge for over 50-year-old individuals to seek
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appropriate work positions in spite of their noticeable experience. There is a wide range of reasons for
this
Linking Words
kind of phenomenon
as well as
Linking Words
a number of solutions to improve the situation.
This
Linking Words
essay will analyze and discuss
such
Linking Words
practices
along with
Linking Words
my own perspectives. First and foremost,
people
Use synonyms
who are older than 50 years old typically approach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement, which
also
Linking Words
means that they are hardly able to sign
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
contract
Fix the agreement mistake
contracts
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the age of superannuation in Vietnam is 55 and 60 regarding to women and men respectively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will have only a few years left until the moment they resign so it will be a waste of time
as well as
Linking Words
resources in training for them. If they are more than that age, they will be unable to dedicate fully to the companies
owning
Correct your spelling
owing
show examples
to the lack of flexibility of variable working environments.
In addition
Linking Words
, the older they become, the more responsibility they have to take on in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of family.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
kind of
applicants
Fix the agreement mistake
applicant
show examples
seems to be incapable of committing thoroughly themselves to the job. Second of all, increasing in age level
also
Linking Words
leads to a plethora of health issues.
While
Linking Words
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation is supposed to be more active and self-motivated to engage in divergent assignments, the former ones depend a lot upon health situation. Seldom
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
they
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in the night shifts or work overtime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they find it extremely challenging to learn innovative technology to keep up with the youth.
As a result
Linking Words
, participating in a team with other members will
then
Linking Words
shape them in the prejudice of underwhelmed productivity.
This
Linking Words
can lead to potential conflict among fellow colleagues in case they are unable to maintain professional integrity under stressful
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of solutions which can be taken into consideration to address
this
Linking Words
issue. It has to be based on not only the intervention of the government but
also
Linking Words
the self-effort of the
people
Use synonyms
who are more than 50 years old.
For instance
Linking Words
, the authority can modify the current law of salary and bonus regime for experienced
people
Use synonyms
, especially for experts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, senior employees who consider themselves to be potentially laid-off ought to stay updated with the novel application of science and technology by taking part in workshops to
further
Linking Words
improve their value which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
remain
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
their current positions.
Besides
Linking Words
, they should both put more effort into enhancing physical health and balance their personal life versus their career so as to meet the demand of multitasks. I strongly have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
thought that with obvious determination, great
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
show examples
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
perseverance will
finally
Linking Words
end up with
desired
Correct article usage
the desired
show examples
success. In conclusion, it is reasonable to comprehend the problem of old
people
Use synonyms
seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good jobs, yet there are a number of solutions to solve it as well. It requires a lot of
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
from both candidates and the interference of the government so that we can enhance the situation.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore issues and solutions thoughtfully, and a conclusion that summarises the main points. To enhance your score further, consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to demonstrate advanced language control.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task, providing relevant examples and a comprehensive discussion on the topic. For an even better score, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your conclusion is both clear and strongly tied back to your thesis.
content
You provided a balanced analysis of the issue, discussing both the challenges older individuals face in the job market and the possible solutions.
structure
The use of a clear structure and paragraphing helps in presenting your arguments in a cohesive and persuasive manner.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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