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In some countries, some high school leavers choose to work or travel for a period of time before going to university. Discuss the disadvantages and advantages of these school leavers’ decisions and give your opinion.

#countries #school #leavers #work #travel #period #time #university #leavers’ #decisions
Nowadays, in different
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world, some graduates choose to
work
 or take a trip for a period of
time
 before going to
university
.
Although
this
 action has some benefits for students, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
 the drawbacks outweigh the positive aspects. There are some reasons why new high
school
 leavers need to
work
 or travel.
Firstly
, they need some
time
 to prepare for new challenges in the future which is crucial for them to spend their
time
 by working or going to travel. Another imperative factor is that they have to open their mind before going to
university
 because it is important for them to not be tired and
also
 they have to acquire lots of new subjects at
university
.
However
, these reasons can be overlooked when we compare with the negative aspects of
this
 action.
On the other hand
, there are some important measures that can be taken by high
school
 leavers before they are ready to go to
university
. it is necessary for them to
work
 on their lessons and review them after graduating from
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school
 because if they do not study before going to
university
, they will waste a chunk of their
time
.
Furthermore
, they might make themselves tired and busy by working and travelling before entering
university
 which will
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 ample
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 during their courses. All things considered,
while
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are some positive points for high
school
 leavers to decide to
work
 or travel before going to
university
, there are myriad problems for
this
 phenomenon.
Submitted by arman802001 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay well with a clear opinion, which is great! To further enhance coherence, try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Task Achievement
To improve the depth of your task response, include more specific examples and details for both sides of the argument. This adds richness to your discussion and supports your viewpoints more convincingly.
Language
Consider varying your sentence structures and incorporating more complex grammatical forms. This not only enhances readability but also shows a stronger command of the language.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing your discussion and opinion. Well done!
Balance in Argument
You've done a good job of presenting both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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