IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #focus #people #activities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there is a widespread disagreement on the issue of whether
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 should concentrate exclusively on academic subjects or take part in other activities.
While
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments to the contrary, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I intend to argue that
besides
Linking Words
 scientific issues,
students
Use synonyms
 should participate in other soft courses. The reasons for
this
Linking Words
 are as follows. First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that in order to prevent a decline in brain efficiency,
students
Use synonyms
 should avoid sacrificing the whole academic era for education.
Although
Linking Words
 specialising in academic issues demands a considerable amount of time and energy, incorporating other activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports or music could foster brain ability and efficiency.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, learning other life
skills
Use synonyms
 like innovation and critical thinking could be helpful in the future life. So, rather than paying too much attention to
university
Use synonyms
 lessons, attempting to be qualified in other issues is advisable. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of
this
Linking Words
 issue is dedicating time to learn other complementary
skills
Use synonyms
 related to the field of study. Since we are living in a technological world, gaining qualities which could increase individuals’ productivity at work is so crucial. Learning a programming language like Python or marketing
skills
Use synonyms
 are salient examples of
this
Linking Words
. Even more importantly, the prospective workers must be determined to improve their societal relationships which is the key to success in future work.
Thus
Linking Words
, if
university
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 wish to be prosperous in their professional lives, they should be consistent and perseverant in extending their knowledge comprehensively. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the
university
Use synonyms
 era is the most proper time for
students
Use synonyms
 to boost themselves in terms of science and other required
skills
Use synonyms
, simultaneously.
Hence
Linking Words
, taking incentive policies in the educational systems to attract more
students
Use synonyms
 to soft subjects is justified.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Incorporate more specific examples to support each point you make, which will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph leads smoothly to the next. While your sentences flow well individually, stronger connections between paragraphs could enhance overall cohesion.
Task Response
Consider adding a counterargument and addressing it effectively to present a balanced viewpoint, thus enhancing the argument and depth of your essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear argument and conclusion, which effectively addresses the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a strong logical structure in place, with well-defined paragraphs that relate back to your thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You successfully introduce and conclude the essay, providing a smooth reading experience.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: