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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, full-time university students tend to focus on their studying. Some people think it is essential for university students to be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, there is a widespread disagreement on the issue of whether
university
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students
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 should concentrate exclusively on academic subjects or take part in other activities.
While
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 there are valid arguments to the contrary, in
this
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 essay, I intend to argue that
besides
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 scientific issues,
students
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 should participate in other soft courses. The reasons for
this
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 are as follows. First of all, it is an irrefutable fact that in order to prevent a decline in brain efficiency,
students
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 should avoid sacrificing the whole academic era for education.
Although
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 specialising in academic issues demands a considerable amount of time and energy, incorporating other activities
such
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 as sports or music could foster brain ability and efficiency.
Furthermore
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, learning other life
skills
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 like innovation and critical thinking could be helpful in the future life. So, rather than paying too much attention to
university
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 lessons, attempting to be qualified in other issues is advisable. Yet, perhaps the strongest argument in favour of
this
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 issue is dedicating time to learn other complementary
skills
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 related to the field of study. Since we are living in a technological world, gaining qualities which could increase individuals’ productivity at work is so crucial. Learning a programming language like Python or marketing
skills
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 are salient examples of
this
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. Even more importantly, the prospective workers must be determined to improve their societal relationships which is the key to success in future work.
Thus
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, if
university
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students
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 wish to be prosperous in their professional lives, they should be consistent and perseverant in extending their knowledge comprehensively. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the
university
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 era is the most proper time for
students
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 to boost themselves in terms of science and other required
skills
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, simultaneously.
Hence
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, taking incentive policies in the educational systems to attract more
students
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 to soft subjects is justified.

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Task Response
Incorporate more specific examples to support each point you make, which will strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph leads smoothly to the next. While your sentences flow well individually, stronger connections between paragraphs could enhance overall cohesion.
Task Response
Consider adding a counterargument and addressing it effectively to present a balanced viewpoint, thus enhancing the argument and depth of your essay.
Task Response
The essay presents a clear argument and conclusion, which effectively addresses the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a strong logical structure in place, with well-defined paragraphs that relate back to your thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You successfully introduce and conclude the essay, providing a smooth reading experience.
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