IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

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The average weight of human beings is growing in some nations and the levels of health and fitness are getting lower as well. In my opinion, there are many reasons which are related to
people
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’s lifestyle but there are some ways to decrease
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, it is important that
people
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 have the right lifestyle for their lives.
Firstly
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,
people
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 should pay attention to having nutritious foods
such
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 as fish, cereals, fruits, and some carbohydrate substances to be healthy and prevent high blood pressure and heart
problems
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.
Secondly
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, getting exercise has a crucial role these days in
people
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’s lives. Regarding
this
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, training and doing physical activities get
people
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 in shape and give them more energy to do their routine staff actively. Nowadays, many
people
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 suffer from modernisation like traffic, pollution, and overpopulation.
As a result
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, they get mental and physical
problems
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due to
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 these issues like insomnia and physical
problems
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. There are some solutions to these
problems
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. Having enough sleep is so important. Because it can balance the body time and give
people
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 rest. Doing yoga exercises and meditations helps individuals to release their stress and relax .
Additionally
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, they improve
people
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 to have better concentration. Going travel, and having physical activities with friends give
people
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 to get far away from isolation as well.
To conclude
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, in some countries, putting on weight has become a concern and human beings do less exercise these days. So,
people
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 should have healthy foods and do many exercises to have a healthy physical and mental situation.

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coherence
Improve transitions between paragraphs to make the essay flow more smoothly.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
task response
Expand on the solutions suggested to demonstrate a deeper analysis.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
content
The main points are relevant to the topic and cover both causes and solutions.
language
The language used is generally clear and comprehensible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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