In some countries, people's weight has significantlyincreased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them?

#countries #people #weight #levels #health

Obesity has become a common health disease among

people

all over the world. There are several factors that

contributes

Change the verb form

contribute

show examples

this

disease and I will discuss those in

this

writing,

along with

remedies to curb

this

issue. To commence with the first cause

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

diet.

People

especially children

likes

Change the verb form

show examples

to eat fast

food

like pizza, burgers etcetera compared to fresh fruits and vegetables.

Consequently

this

food

goes into the stomach and

build

Correct subject-verb agreement

builds

show examples

unwanted fat in it, which later makes

people

obese.

In addition

, the reason behind eating

such

food

is not only the good taste but

also

hectic

Correct article usage

the hectic

show examples

schedule. Nowadays,

people

are very busy in their jobs, they have less time for cooking. In spite

making

Change preposition

of making

show examples

food

at home, they prefer to order it from restaurants.

Besides

this

Correct article usage

a sendentary

show examples

sendentary

Correct your spelling

sedentary

lifestyle is another root cause of

this

disease.

People

spend most of their time sitting on a chair or lying on a bed. They do lack

Change preposition

apply

show examples

exercise which

further

affects their fitness level. Moving

further

towards the steps to solve

this

issue, first of

all

Add the comma(s)

all,

show examples

a person should make a healthy diet plan and check his intake on

regular

Correct article usage

a regular

show examples

basis.

Besides

, intermediate fasting is

very

Add an article

a very

show examples

effective method for

loosing

Replace the word

losing

show examples

weight.

Moreover

, he should exercise daily for at least half an hour. If he/ she does not have enough time for physical exercises, they can go to work on

bicycle

Add an article

a bicycle

show examples

use

Correct word choice

and use

show examples

stairs

instead

of elevators. By making little

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

, they will not only control their weight but

also

save themselves from other diseases

such

as heart attack. To

conculde

Correct your spelling

conclude

, health is wealth.

people

should focus on

maintaing

Correct your spelling

maintaining

healthy

Correct article usage

a healthy

show examples

lifestyle by eating nutritious meals and doing physical exercises.

Submitted by lovekirandeepk on Thu Apr 11 2024

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Vocabulary

Work on improving the range and accuracy of your vocabulary. While your essay uses a variety of terms, there's room for more precise and advanced vocabulary use. Avoid overly simple expressions and strive for more sophisticated language.

Grammar

Pay close attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical errors, such as 'sendentary' instead of 'sedentary' and ensuring correct use of articles. These small inaccuracies can detract from the overall quality of your essay.

Cohesion

Enhance coherence by linking ideas more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words and phrases can improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.

Task Response

You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, examining causes and proposing solutions for the issue, which shows a strong understanding of the task requirements.

Coherence

You structured your essay clearly, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which made your argument easy to follow.

Content

Your essay included relevant examples to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
malnutrition
sedentary lifestyle
processed foods
nutritional value
caloric intake
physical inactivity
metabolic disorders
public health policies
holistic wellness
sustainable eating habits
urban planning
dietary guidelines
exercise regimen
preventive measures

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In some countries, people's weight has significantlyincreased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that the government should provide free housing, while others think that it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Interviews form the basic selecting criteria for most large companies. However, some people think that interview is not a reliable method of choosing whom to employ and there are other better methods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

4.Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree？