People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

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It has been universally accepted that
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problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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of low achievement
of
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in
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balancing personal life and profession is escalating at an alarming rate. The
problem
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is bringing a state of depression among the masses and in
economy
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the economy
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too. There are
plethora
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a plethora
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of reasons
of
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for
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the same and it's possible solutions can be suggested which are discussed as follows. In regards to the
problem
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, the major reason which can be stated is
increased
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the increased
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various
type
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types
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of working
style
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styles
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such
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as freelancer. In support
to
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of
show examples
this
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reason, various types of
works
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work
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which are relatively free have no regulated working space and time that can
be led
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lead
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to no distinction between
work
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the work
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environment and home. Another problematic cause is meritocracy
already
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is already
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widespread. It asked for
high intensity
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high-intensity
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of
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apply
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works
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work
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causing Mental
illness
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illnesses
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like depression and stress. Seeing the
problem
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with a brighter mind, many
of
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apply
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solutions can be helpful to curb
this
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menace. One of the
solution
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solutions
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is
registering
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the registration
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policy for
company
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the company
a company
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.
Government
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The government
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can make
program
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programs
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or
campaign
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campaigns
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for encouraging
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to encourage
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both work efficiency and
resting
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rest
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. Using crowd psychology is
rising
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a rising
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trend among
these society
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this society
these societies
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.
For instance
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, in Korea ‘WLB (
Work-life-balance
Correct your spelling
Work-life
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)’ became famous
few
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a few
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years ago and resulted in
strengthened
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a strengthened
the strengthened
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community in business by sharing their own balancing methods
each
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with each
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other.
Secondly
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, it can be solved with personal effort. People can
distinct
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distinguish
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business and personal by making
another interests
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another interest
other interests
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like sports and hobbies.
Also
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, learning these new hobbies or activities can positively affect planning own life priorities.
To conclude
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, solving a global issue is not easy but with the joint public and personal effort,
a
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apply
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control can be taken over the
problem
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withe
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with
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the aforementioned suggested measures. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate
this
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problem
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.
Submitted by minji.choi.1201 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity and impact, consider subdividing long sentences into shorter, more concise ones. This can help in making your arguments more accessible and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases can significantly improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to a more cohesive and organized essay.
Task Achievement
While your response addresses the prompt, aiming for a more in-depth exploration of each cause and solution with detailed examples can further enrich your essay. This will show a deeper understanding and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
Task Achievement
Integrating more specific and varied examples can enhance the relevance and support of your main points. Aim for examples that clearly illustrate your ideas and arguments, adding depth to your discussion.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear response to the topic, effectively introducing your viewpoints on both the causes and solutions to the problem of achieving a work-personal life balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your stance on the issue, displaying good skills in concluding your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • advancement
  • efficiency
  • blurred lines
  • remotely
  • encroaching
  • cultural expectations
  • societal norms
  • professional success
  • clear boundaries
  • flexible working hours
  • fostering
  • company culture
  • mindfulness
  • time management
  • prioritizing
  • delegating
  • stress
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