IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

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It has been universally accepted that
Use synonyms
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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 of low achievement
of
Change preposition
in
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 balancing personal life and profession is escalating at an alarming rate. The
problem
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 is bringing a state of depression among the masses and in
economy
Add an article
the economy
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 too. There are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of reasons
of
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for
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 the same and it's possible solutions can be suggested which are discussed as follows. In regards to the
problem
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, the major reason which can be stated is
increased
Correct article usage
the increased
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 various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of working
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
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such
Linking Words
 as freelancer. In support
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason, various types of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 which are relatively free have no regulated working space and time that can
be led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to no distinction between
work
Correct article usage
the work
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 environment and home. Another problematic cause is meritocracy
already
Add a missing verb
is already
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 widespread. It asked for
high intensity
Add a hyphen
high-intensity
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of
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apply
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works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 causing Mental
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
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 like depression and stress. Seeing the
problem
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 with a brighter mind, many
of
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apply
show examples
solutions can be helpful to curb
this
Linking Words
 menace. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
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 is
registering
Replace the word
the registration
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 policy for
company
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the company
a company
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.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 can make
program
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programs
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 or
campaign
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campaigns
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for encouraging
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to encourage
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 both work efficiency and
resting
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rest
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. Using crowd psychology is
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
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 trend among
these society
Change the determiner
this society
these societies
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Korea ‘WLB (
Work-life-balance
Correct your spelling
Work-life
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)’ became famous
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 years ago and resulted in
strengthened
Add an article
a strengthened
the strengthened
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 community in business by sharing their own balancing methods
each
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with each
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 other.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it can be solved with personal effort. People can
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
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 business and personal by making
another interests
Replace the adjective
another interest
other interests
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 like sports and hobbies.
Also
Linking Words
, learning these new hobbies or activities can positively affect planning own life priorities.
To conclude
Linking Words
, solving a global issue is not easy but with the joint public and personal effort,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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control can be taken over the
problem
Use synonyms
withe
Correct your spelling
with
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 the aforementioned suggested measures. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity and impact, consider subdividing long sentences into shorter, more concise ones. This can help in making your arguments more accessible and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases can significantly improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to a more cohesive and organized essay.
Task Achievement
While your response addresses the prompt, aiming for a more in-depth exploration of each cause and solution with detailed examples can further enrich your essay. This will show a deeper understanding and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
Task Achievement
Integrating more specific and varied examples can enhance the relevance and support of your main points. Aim for examples that clearly illustrate your ideas and arguments, adding depth to your discussion.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear response to the topic, effectively introducing your viewpoints on both the causes and solutions to the problem of achieving a work-personal life balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your stance on the issue, displaying good skills in concluding your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • advancement
  • efficiency
  • blurred lines
  • remotely
  • encroaching
  • cultural expectations
  • societal norms
  • professional success
  • clear boundaries
  • flexible working hours
  • fostering
  • company culture
  • mindfulness
  • time management
  • prioritizing
  • delegating
  • stress
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