People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?
It has been universally accepted that
problem
of low achievement Correct article usage
the problem
of
balancing personal life and profession is escalating at an alarming rate. The Change preposition
in
problem
is bringing a state of depression among the masses and in economy
too. There are Add an article
the economy
plethora
of reasons Add an article
a plethora
of
the same and it's possible solutions can be suggested which are discussed as follows.
In regards to the Change preposition
for
problem
, the major reason which can be stated is increased
various Correct article usage
the increased
type
of working Fix the agreement mistake
types
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
such
as freelancer. In support to
Change preposition
of
this
reason, various types of works
which are relatively free have no regulated working space and time that can Fix the agreement mistake
work
be led
to no distinction between Wrong verb form
lead
work
environment and home. Another problematic cause is meritocracy Correct article usage
the work
already
widespread. It asked for Add a missing verb
is already
high intensity
Add a hyphen
high-intensity
of
Change preposition
apply
works
causing Mental Fix the agreement mistake
work
illness
like depression and stress.
Seeing the Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
problem
with a brighter mind, many of
solutions can be helpful to curb Change preposition
apply
this
menace. One of the solution
is Change to a plural noun
solutions
registering
policy for Replace the word
the registration
company
. Add an article
the company
a company
Government
can make Correct article usage
The government
program
or Fix the agreement mistake
programs
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
for encouraging
both work efficiency and Change preposition
to encourage
resting
. Using crowd psychology is Replace the word
rest
rising
trend among Correct article usage
a rising
these society
. Change the determiner
this society
these societies
For instance
, in Korea ‘WLB (Work-life-balance
)’ became famous Correct your spelling
Work-life
few
years ago and resulted in Correct article usage
a few
strengthened
community in business by sharing their own balancing methods Add an article
a strengthened
the strengthened
each
other. Change preposition
with each
Secondly
, it can be solved with personal effort. People can distinct
business and personal by making Replace the word
distinguish
another interests
like sports and hobbies. Replace the adjective
another interest
other interests
Also
, learning these new hobbies or activities can positively affect planning own life priorities.
To conclude
, solving a global issue is not easy but with the joint public and personal effort, a
control can be taken over the Correct article usage
apply
problem
withe
the aforementioned suggested measures. I believe that everyone should come forward to mitigate Correct your spelling
with
this
problem
.Submitted by minji.choi.1201 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity and impact, consider subdividing long sentences into shorter, more concise ones. This can help in making your arguments more accessible and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases can significantly improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, contributing to a more cohesive and organized essay.
Task Achievement
While your response addresses the prompt, aiming for a more in-depth exploration of each cause and solution with detailed examples can further enrich your essay. This will show a deeper understanding and provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
Task Achievement
Integrating more specific and varied examples can enhance the relevance and support of your main points. Aim for examples that clearly illustrate your ideas and arguments, adding depth to your discussion.
Task Achievement
You have presented a clear response to the topic, effectively introducing your viewpoints on both the causes and solutions to the problem of achieving a work-personal life balance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and reinforces your stance on the issue, displaying good skills in concluding your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?