Some people believe that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. Others argue that advertisements have a positive impact on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is argued that adverts targeted to kids should be prohibited
whereas
others claim that they have an advantageous effect on youngsters. This
essay disagrees that promotions have an advantage to
teenagers. In as much as they assist them Change preposition
for
to find
Change preposition
in finding
out
Change preposition
apply
cost effective
playgrounds and plan on how to visit the area, they may negatively affect them by draining their minds to unhealthy programs Add a hyphen
cost-effective
such
as cartoons.
To commence with, with advanced technology
it is definite that it is impossible to completely refrain from watching news or even hearing them. Add a comma
technology,
This
has resulted to
Change preposition
in
a
benefit of young people being able to adventure Correct article usage
the
places
where they can have fun and get to mingle with their pals at a little fee. This
is to say that, if one goes to certain places
without proper information they may end up spending a lot of money or be limited to certain sports due to
lack of funds. For instance
, in Kenya there are places
such
as malls Correct pronoun usage
that have
have
been created well and are full of Correct pronoun usage
that have
Change noun form
children's
children
games but the cost is not friendly since one can get the same activities at a spared garden Change noun form
children's
Change preposition
at
with
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
a lower
lower
price.
Correct article usage
a lower
On the other hand
, other ads such
as cartoon programs are not healthy since they drain the kid’s brain
and Fix the agreement mistake
brains
hence
making
them Wrong verb form
make
loose
focus on important activities like studying. Cartoons have the power to take away someone’s capacity Correct your spelling
lose
in reading
as they spend most of their time watching. Change preposition
to read
For example
, it is clear that
nowadays whenever a teenage
meets another the discussion is all about television programs they watched rather than discussing Replace the word
teenager
on
crucial things Change preposition
apply
such
as a difficult maths problem and how they will solve it.
To conclude
, even though announcements assist children to visit places
with lesser budget it greatly affects their brain growth since they become incompetent of
doing some activities. Change preposition
at
Therefore
, in my opinion
it is better for them to be put off for the reasons given.Add a comma
opinion,
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure there is a clear introduction of your opinion within the introduction and restate it in the conclusion for a stronger stance.
Balance in Argument
Expand your discussion by exploring both views thoroughly before providing your own opinion. This ensures a balanced argument.
Use of Linking Words
Using a wider variety of linking words and phrases would improve the fluidity and coherence of your essay.
Grammar & Spelling
Consider proofreading your essay to catch and correct minor grammatical and spelling errors. This will improve the overall quality of your work.
Use of Examples
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Paragraph Structure
The structure of paragraphs is logical, contributing to the overall clarity of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?