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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
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An adult
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is ready to harvest in 12 to 18 months.
One
Use synonyms
 can harvest in
one
Use synonyms
 by
one
Use synonyms
 manually using a scythe or, if
one
Use synonyms
 has the budget, it would be good to use a vehicle to harvest
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes faster. After that, the harvested
sugar
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 canes need to be crushed by the crusher to extract its
juice
Use synonyms
. Purify the
juice
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 with a limestone filter so there are no sediments left in the
juice
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
one
Use synonyms
 has to bring the
juice
Use synonyms
 to an evaporator above a stove.
This
Linking Words
 process will evaporate the water content inside the
juice
Use synonyms
 and change it into a form of syrup. To extract the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals, the syrup will have to be rotated fast to create enough centrifugal force that can separate it from its crystals. The
last
Linking Words
 step is to keep the
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals in a dry and cool place.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, one, juice with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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