IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people argue that because the internet make it so easy for children to access facts, schools should not focus on teaching facts. instead they should focus on developing children's skills and potential, and their relationships with other people. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #internet #children #access #facts #schools #focus #skills #relationships
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Education
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The education
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 system has always been arguing
on
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about
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 whether learning the
facts
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 or thinking and questioning them is the right way to educate oneself. We live in an era
that is
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 driven by communication systems that
fuctions
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functions
function
 at
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a hyper
the hyper
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hyper speed
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hyperspeed
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 which allows us to gain and store information within
few
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a few
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 seconds. The devices and service charges get decreased
overtime
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over time
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 which allows most children to access
facts
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 under
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their parents
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parents
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parents'
parent's
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 supervision. The
facts
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 basically
provides
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provide
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 what is possible to everyone. Memorizing and regurgitating these
facts
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 never going to increase the intellectual
skills
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 of these kids.
This
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 will only allow these youngsters to gain
the
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apply
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knowledge of its existence. It is rather
importance
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important
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 to see
connection
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the connection
a connection
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 between the
facts
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 and collective functions for a meaningful outcome. Developing the
skills
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 is very important as
facts
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 can be learned later. The shaping of
skills
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 and potential is easy at an early age because of the
flexibilty
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flexibility
 in
the
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apply
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cognition at a younger age.
The communication
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Communication
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skills
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is
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are
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 very important as they help them to develop their own meaningful arguments to clarify these
facts
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further
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. It
also
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 helps them to prioritize the important
fact
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facts
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 from the non-neccesary ones. Ultimately the
long term
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long-term
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 benefits of developing the
skills
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 and potential in early childhood will lead to a better understanding of the world around us.
The meaningful
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Meaningful
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 communication will help to prioritize and pass the important ones. It will improve the quality of life for everyone.
Submitted by onlineconsumer on

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Make sure to explicitly address the prompt by stating your clear position on the topic in your introduction and conclusion. This will help in making your stance more evident,
Use a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. This will make your paragraphs more connected and your ideas more coherent.
Understanding
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic, with clear arguments presented on the importance of developing skills and potential over just memorizing facts.
Depth of Analysis
You have successfully identified and explored the significance of developing communication skills and relationships, supporting the importance of focusing on skills and potential in education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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