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Writing Samples
Band 7

Childhood obesity has become a serious problem in recent years. What are the primary causes of this? What measures should be taken to reduce childhood obesity? (Write 250 words.)

#childhood #obesity #years #measures
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Today we are living in a technological era where daily tasks are done by machines, which eventually makes our lives easier.
Hence
, it is stated that new generation kids are becoming obese causing detrimental issues and what can be done in order to solve
this
 problem.
Firstly
, advanced machinery and rising internet usage have a significant impact on
children
's health. They are spending an immense amount of hours on mobile phones playing games, which are designed to make them addicted to it so they keep playing for longer periods of time.
As a result
,
instead
 of playing out, which could make them fit, spent more time sitting at home and started to gain more weight. Another prominent reason is the parent. Lack of parental guidelines
children
 tend to waste their time on screen rather than studying or playing with their friends.
This
 will not only deteriorate their physical health but
also
 hinder their mental growth. There are some remedies that can be taken into account in order to solve the child obesity problem. First of all,
children
 are curious in nature so if they get introduced to new outdoor games or team games that can be played with their friends by their parents or school teacher, could help them to stay out more
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
physically active. Parents play a paramount role in their kid's
overall
 development so it is
also
 their responsibility to engage in some outdoor activity with their
children
.
This
 will make them more active and can create a strong relationship with parents.
Apart from
this
, schools can significantly improve a child's health by educating them and making them understand the benefits of exercise and eating healthy. In conclusion,
children
's fitness is crucial in today's sedentary lifestyle. Educating and motivating them about physical exercise could solve the problem of obesity.
Submitted by Darshita@8612 on

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structure
Provide a clear introduction stating the essay will discuss causes and solutions to the issue.
content
Ensure main points are clearly stated and supported with specific examples.
structure
Improve paragraph structure by using topic sentences that directly address the question.
content
Expand on your ideas by providing more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence
Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
conclusion
Conclude your essay by summarizing the main points and restating your stance in a clear manner.
task response
Addressed both parts of the question (causes and solutions) effectively.
language usage
Good use of vocabulary to express ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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