Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crimes #prison #sentences #methods

A group of individuals adhere to the view that longer prison punishments are ideal to prevent crimes. I partially agree with

this

viewpoint and I will elaborate my arguments in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, I accept that long prison sentences work efficiently to reduce crime rates for some reasons. To illustrate, if people stay in prison for a long time they would have much more time to think about their actions which cause losing their freedom and it will help them to avoid dangerous things

such

as killing someone or kidnapping.

Furthermore

, the other reason why I support

this

rule is it assists people to behave correctly because of the fear.

For example

, criminals will have more than enough time to realize that they lost their independence

such

as going out or resting for quite a

while

and

therefore

, they will be more likely to avoid committing crimes.

On the other hand

, it is

also

true that governments should take some straightforward measures to mitigate offences.

Firstly

, it is crucial to find the main reason for the crimes and solve it.

For instance

, it is known

Change preposition

show examples

everyone that poverty leads to kidnapping or pickpocketing because they do not have enough ability to earn money and there are some solutions to handle

this

issue.

For example

, governments may open new and special schools to teach robbers

such

as The Dost School in Azerbaijan, which assists pupils to be educated and talented. In conclusion, I agree that a long punishment period may prevent some accidents, I

also

hold a view that teaching guilty citizens may make a safer and more peaceful environment.

Submitted by znezerli209 on Sat Nov 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on improving the use of transitions between arguments and paragraphs to enhance coherence.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your main points.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion, which provides a solid foundation for the essay.

complete response

You effectively discuss both sides of the argument, addressing the prompt comprehensively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the best way to reduce crimes is to apply longer prison sentences, other people think that there are better methods of doing so. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In Some Areas Of The US, A Curfew Is Imposed In Which Teenagers Cannot Be Out Of Doors At Night. Do you agree or disagree with this?

You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken.

All children should be given a free laptop when they start high school. Do you agree or disagree?

What should a government do for a country to become successful?

In many countries, people are living longer. What problems does this cause for individuals and society? What can be done to reduce the impact of these issues?