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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

smacking children is the best form of discipline. To what extent do you agree or diagree?

#children #form #discipline #diagree
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These days giving physical
punishment
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 is becoming a debatable topic. Some argue that using physical
punishment
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 should be used to control
children
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while
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 others oppose
this
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 view.
This
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 essay will argue why negative reinforcement
such
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 as smacking is entirely unnecessary in
children
Use synonyms
’s education because
this
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 can negatively impact
on
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apply
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the relationships between
parents
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 and their
children
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. Some
parents
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 believe that giving physical
punishment
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 is the best way to control their
children
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. One of the reasons is that
children
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 often need a strong form of discipline to understand what is right and wrong, using a firm
mean
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means
show examples
 helps to make them understand more. Another reason is that physical sensation gives a strong memory to humans. If
children
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 feel pain when they have done something wrong, they will unlikely
repat
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repeat
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this
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 again.
For instance
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, my
parents
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 used to use physical
form
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forms
show examples
 of teaching to raise me. One day, I stole my sister’s money and my father smacked me. It was very painful,
however
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,
that is
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 the reason I still remember how bad stealing things is.
Therefore
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, physical
punishment
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 can give a firm way of teaching for
children
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. Despite
of
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apply
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the advantages of using physical discipline, the idea
completely
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is completely
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 unacceptable.
Firstly
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, physical
punishment
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 can adversely affect the bond between
parents
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 and
children
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.
This
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cause
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causes
show examples
children
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 to lose trust and respect in
parents
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.
Additionally
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, painful
experience
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experiences
show examples
 can cause
children
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 to get anxiety or other mental disorders.
For example
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, studies show
60
Correct word choice
that 60
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% of
children
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 who received physical
punishment
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 during their childhood
exposed
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were exposed
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some
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to some
show examples
 mental illness and reported they
have
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had
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 some mental trauma.
Hence
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, physical
punishment
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 should not be used
any
Change preposition
by any
show examples
 parent. In conclusion,
this
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 essay
argued
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argues
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 why physical
punishment
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 should not be used to control
children
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that physical
punishment
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 should not be allowed for people to use in
children
Use synonyms
’s education because
this
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 has a negative impact
such
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 as
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mental trauma and breaking
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 relationships between
parents
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by chia.8ee on

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Clarity of Argument
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Detailed Support
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Structure
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Balanced Argument
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
Use of Examples
Relevant examples were used effectively to support your points.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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