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Band 5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The plan below shows a public
park
 in 1920 and how it’s been redesigned today.
Overall
,
while
 the location of
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 of the places
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 remained the same, newer places have
also
 been built and added to the scheme. It is noticeable from the design in 1920 that the fountain in the central area has been replaced by the rose garden surrounded by seats. The water feature has taken the place of the glasshouse in the right corner below; leaving no place for the earlier seats.
Although
 there was a stage for musicians at the left of the
park
 about a century ago, it has been replaced by an amphitheatre for concerts which people can enjoy.
In addition
 to the upper and lower entrances, an entrance for the underground car
park
 is placed near the water feature. The top left rose garden hasn’t changed,
whereas
 the other one has been removed and replaced by a cafe.
Furthermore
, it appears that having a children’s play area was more appealing to those who changed the
park
 as opposed to a water-plant pond.
Submitted by viana.elahi on

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General
In your introduction, try to provide a more detailed overview of the changes. This can help create a clearer foundation for your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay does well to compare the old and new features of the park directly, which helps maintain coherence. Consider expanding on the significance of these changes to provide deeper insight.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing readability.
Task Achievement
Detail-specific examples or data to enrich your analysis whenever possible. This approach can enhance the task response score by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the material.
Task Achievement
Good comparison between the park's features in 1920 and today.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structured approach in discussing changes to the park's layout and facilities.
General
Maintained a clear focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
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