Because most information about culture and history canbe found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, developing technology facilitates learning to broaden citizens' horizons more easily in a nation by utilizing
such
Linking Words
a superb pathway, the internet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people certainly contemplate that since the findings have been provided broadly in society to look over trustworthy information,
such
Linking Words
as culture and history, the historical buildings are no longer needed at all. From my point of view, I individually convey that I am on the fence about the aforementioned issue. On the one hand, it is noticeable that online platforms, a dime a dozen, tend to keep up to date people's brains regarding those studies.
This
Linking Words
has been supported by numerous pieces of evidence that over 85% of the population in a country unquestionably use the internet to obtain credible
data
Use synonyms
tailored to the study rather than hit the book in museums.
For example
Linking Words
,
data
Use synonyms
reveals that just under one million people employ the Wikipedia website to get information every day.
As a result
Linking Words
, technology cannot be neglected as it has positively improved human capabilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I personally consider that the historical buildings are a definitely vital facility to maintain a lot of artefacts and keep up a paramount memory in the past.
For instance
Linking Words
, based on the
data
Use synonyms
, Indonesia has over ten million reliable evidence about an ancient civilization, which is required to be looked after carefully.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the way to nurture the important relics is by providing an excellent building
such
Linking Words
as a museum.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
, the internet is able to provide a stunning experience to acquire
data
Use synonyms
, which is not rocket science.
However
Linking Words
, my take on
this
Linking Words
, a historical department can play a crucial role in preserving the credible documents, which were recorded from the past.
Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability. Your essay has a good structure, but more variety in sentence form can make your arguments clearer and more engaging.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples to better support your arguments. While you provide examples, elaborating on how they directly support your stance will strengthen your essay.
General
Be mindful of slight inaccuracies in word choice and grammatical structures. These do not significantly impact understanding but refining these can polish your essay.
Structure
You've structured your essay effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids understanding.
Content
Your use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Wikipedia and Indonesian artefacts, helps to ground your arguments in reality.
Position
Despite the complexity of the topic, you've managed to maintain a clear position throughout the essay, which demonstrates good task achievement.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: