Because most information about culture and history canbe found on the internet today, museums are not necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, developing technology facilitates learning to broaden citizens' horizons more easily in a nation by utilizing
such
a superb pathway, the internet. Linking Words
Therefore
, some people certainly contemplate that since the findings have been provided broadly in society to look over trustworthy information, Linking Words
such
as culture and history, the historical buildings are no longer needed at all. From my point of view, I individually convey that I am on the fence about the aforementioned issue.
On the one hand, it is noticeable that online platforms, a dime a dozen, tend to keep up to date people's brains regarding those studies. Linking Words
This
has been supported by numerous pieces of evidence that over 85% of the population in a country unquestionably use the internet to obtain credible Linking Words
data
tailored to the study rather than hit the book in museums. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
data
reveals that just under one million people employ the Wikipedia website to get information every day. Use synonyms
As a result
, technology cannot be neglected as it has positively improved human capabilities.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, I personally consider that the historical buildings are a definitely vital facility to maintain a lot of artefacts and keep up a paramount memory in the past. Linking Words
For instance
, based on the Linking Words
data
, Indonesia has over ten million reliable evidence about an ancient civilization, which is required to be looked after carefully. Use synonyms
Consequently
, the way to nurture the important relics is by providing an excellent building Linking Words
such
as a museum.
Linking Words
To sum up
, Linking Words
besides
, the internet is able to provide a stunning experience to acquire Linking Words
data
, which is not rocket science. Use synonyms
However
, my take on Linking Words
this
, a historical department can play a crucial role in preserving the credible documents, which were recorded from the past.Linking Words
Submitted by soniandriawan1992 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability. Your essay has a good structure, but more variety in sentence form can make your arguments clearer and more engaging.
Task Achievement
Clarify and expand on your examples to better support your arguments. While you provide examples, elaborating on how they directly support your stance will strengthen your essay.
General
Be mindful of slight inaccuracies in word choice and grammatical structures. These do not significantly impact understanding but refining these can polish your essay.
Structure
You've structured your essay effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids understanding.
Content
Your use of relevant examples, such as the reference to Wikipedia and Indonesian artefacts, helps to ground your arguments in reality.
Position
Despite the complexity of the topic, you've managed to maintain a clear position throughout the essay, which demonstrates good task achievement.