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Band 6

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
Nowadays, with the rise of the competitive era between small local
shops
 with big supermarkets and online
shops
, local businesses end up closing their doors
due to
 bankruptcy.
This
 could be prevented by sponsoring these mini stores on TV or radio. Local
shops
 will suffer from bankruptcy, because, it is not easy to compete with large known
shops
 or online webshops. Big supermarkets are more trusted by consumers, than local community
shops
 and
therefore
 the most visited. Big supermarkets have as well more options than the local ones, which is more sufficient to get the job done at once,
for instance
, for busy people. Many studies have shown that the
trending
Replace the word
trend
show examples
 and popularity of
shops
 are of paramount importance in customers' shop choices. When a product is accessible in a large supermarket or online,
is
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
 used in a promoting video on social media like TikTok or Instagram, people get easily influenced and buy it from the same known place.
Therefore
, the local
shops
 become more in the background of the list of
shops
. To get the local
shops
 more in the spotlight and make them more attractive to customers, it is important to promote their unique products, sales and the most trending services.
As a result
, people will start shifting more to local markets. The influence of smart marketing these days is usually the base of a
good running
Add a hyphen
good-running
show examples
 business.
This
 is one of the reasons why some
shops
 are nowadays only online. In conclusion,
bankruptcy
Add an article
the bankruptcy
show examples
 of these local
shops
 can be prevented if smart marketing around different social media platforms were engaged in the process.
Submitted by ouazilhakima010 on

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task achievement
Clarify the main points in each paragraph to ensure they are distinct. Consider elaborating on how TV and radio sponsorships can help local shops in more detailed ways, maybe with examples.
coherence cohesion
Use more signposting words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. For example, words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'However' can make your essay more reader-friendly.
task achievement
Provide more relevant examples or real-life scenarios to support your arguments. This will make your essay more compelling and relatable.
introduction conclusion
Good introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas effectively.
logical structure
Clear and coherent writing style that is easy to follow. Your ideas are well-organized and paragraphed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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