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Band 6

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The maps illustrate how Grance
Park
 has developed from 1920 to the present.
Overall
,
while
 there have been significant changes in facilities, one
rose
garden
 remained from the original site.
Furthermore
, a fountain which was located in the centre of the
park
 has been demolished to build a large
rose
garden
 with
seats
 around it. Looking into detail, in 1920, to the west of the
entrance
 from Arnold Avenue, there was a
rose
garden
 with
seats
 and to the east of
this
entrance
, one
rose
garden
 without
seats
 and a pond for water plants
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 located.
Moreover
, a fountain was located in the centre near a stage for musicians in the western direction. To the left of the
entrance
 from Eldon Street, a
rose
garden
 was established
as well as
 a glasshouse with
seats
 located on the right of the
entrance
. In terms of changes, a large
rose
garden
 has been constructed in the centre where the fountain used to be. The stage and the
rose
garden
 below have been knocked down to build an Amphitheatre for concerts ,
while
 the
rose
garden
 in the southwest remains. The
rose
garden
 in the southeast of the
park
 has been converted into a cafe,
whereas
 the children's play area has been built on the land previously occupied by the pond. The Glasshouse was demolished to build a water feature which has an
entrance
 underground car
park
 on the right
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Structure
Consider adding a conclusion to strengthen the overall structure of your writing. Summarizing the main developments can make your essay feel more complete.
Language Use
To enhance coherence, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas more clearly.
Task Response
In the introduction, specifically mention that the maps compare the park's layout from 1920 to the present to clearly set the context.
Introduction
You provided a clear overview at the beginning, effectively setting the scene for the comparison.
Content Detail
Detailed comparisons and descriptions of the changes in the park were well made, effectively supporting your main points.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay, particularly in describing the changes over time, makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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