IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers and A.I. tehnology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative dvelopment?

#computers #tehnology #education #intelligence #dvelopment
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In
this
 today digital's era, more and more robots and man-made tools are being applied to studying
on
Change preposition
apply
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Add an article
the network
a network
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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. There will be enhancement of various styles in studying,
although
,
this
 is a negative development because of distraction and health problems. The first sought-after point that using computers and A.I. technology is a good way which is able to provide a variety of styles
in
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of
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 studying.
In other words
, if it does not have enough time to do text in school time, all the teachers will choose the solution that gives an exam through the internet.
Moreover
, in the past,
people
 are familiar with making use of board and chalk which are
sole
Correct article usage
the sole
show examples
 tools
using
Wrong verb form
used
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 for teaching in the class.
However
, lecturers allow high-tech technology to support their
presentation
Fix the agreement mistake
presentations
show examples
 and open their own
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 by video conference. Taking Microsoft Team as a primary example, which is
well-known
Correct article usage
a well-known
show examples
applications
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application
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 for learning online, especially in the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 period, most
of
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apply
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people
 need to stay at home so
that is
 a good choice of education in order to give the assignments and organize meetings.
Nevertheless
, it seems to
be
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have
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 a negative impact on
health
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the health
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 of humans. It can be grasped that when
people
 spend too much time
on
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apply
show examples
using computers, the blue light which exists
in
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on
show examples
 the screen will attack
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
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 causing myopia.
Additionally
, unmoving is the reason
that is
 why
people
 have obesity.
For instance
,
WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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 (World Health Organization) proved that there are yearly over 9 million children in Europe who are nearsighted. Another point that
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
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 consideration is distraction.
In
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On
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 the internet,
people
 have created many fascinating applications that will draw teenagers's attention leading to
cannot
Verb problem
not
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pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 more attention to their lessons. It is true in Vietnam, where has many popular influences in
Tik Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
. Taking everything into
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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account,
this
 statement can enhance the learning experience.
However
, it will be a negative development
in
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for
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studying
Correct article usage
the studying
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of
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apply
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students.
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introduction
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, indicating the structure of your essay. Consider refining your thesis statement for clarity.
cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to use clearer transition phrases between paragraphs and within them to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
support
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea, supported by examples or evidence. Your example of Microsoft Teams is good, but try to expand on it with more specifics on how it enhances learning.
balanced argument
To improve task achievement, make sure your argument consistently addresses the question, discussing both the positive and negative impacts without deviating. Also, offer a balanced view before concluding.
language
Work on your grammar and vocabulary choices to better express your ideas. Varied vocabulary and correct grammar can significantly enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
balanced view
You provided a balanced view by discussing both the potential benefits and downsides of using computers and A.I. in education.
example use
Using Microsoft Teams as an example was a good way to illustrate your point about the advantages of online learning.
task response
You addressed the prompt by considering both how A.I. can enhance learning and the potential negative impacts, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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