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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #effects
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Certain individuals believe that advertising can bring some advantage to economics.
While
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 others. think it has withdrawals on social because it makes
people
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 dissatisfied with themselves and what they have. From my perspective, its benefits outweigh its disadvantages. On the one hand, advertising carries a lot of responsibility for the trend of
people
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 being dissatisfied with themselves and what they own. Day by day, new product advertisements are constantly present on social media platforms and e-commerce websites.
Additionally
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, a lot of advertising compares the new and old products, leaving the consumer feeling dissatisfied with everything they have purchased. The consequence is that all of these commercial promotions can make
people
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 uncomfortable about themselves because they build an ideal model of aesthetic beauty in advertisements, leading to feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
However
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, the advertisement's advantages outweigh its negative effects.
This
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 is because it plays an essential role in boosting the economy of the country and encouraging the start-up of new business companies.
Besides
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 that, advertising can provide
people
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 with more business opportunities, fame, and become wealthier.
For instance
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, advertising is a major industry that depends heavily on creativity, so it requires a large number of
people
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 to support it and generate additional employment opportunities.
Moreover
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, I think
besides
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 these advantages, it
also
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 makes the economy develop by boasting the purchases of the consumers.
For example
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, Shopee, the biggest shopping online platform in Vietnam, contributes significantly to the GDP of our country, and it is common to citizens through advertising. In conclusion, I believe that advertising truly has some drawbacks to make
people
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 dissatisfied with themselves.
In contrast
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, it plays a paramount role in boosting the economy and creating more jobs for residents.
Submitted by linh.le0995 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the connection between paragraphs to improve the overall logical progression of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all your main points are consistently supported with clear examples that directly illustrate your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views as required by the prompt and provides a personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points made in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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