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Band 4

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
It is
commontly
Correct your spelling
commonly
 though that all most
invention
Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
show examples
 of
science
 and target of technology was supported to create and improve was original from promoting
people
's live. I completely agree with
this
 thinking for the reasons provided below. On the one hand, there are a lot of remarkable
scients
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science
 advancements
have
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that have
show examples
 consistently led to significant improvements in healthcare.
Firstly
, medical
researches
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research
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 and
breakthoughs
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breakthroughs
 have resulted in
discovery
Add an article
the discovery
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 of
life saving
Add a hyphen
life-saving
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
treatments, vaccines and diagnostic tools from that point to help
people
prolonged
Wrong verb form
prolong
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 lives and
enhanced
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 the
overall
 well-being of individuals by mitigating suffering improve quality
life
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of life
show examples
.
Secondly
, not only just
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 care of
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
substance
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of substance
show examples
 body,
science
are
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is
show examples
 handy when
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
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 with some psychological
problem
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problems
show examples
 from daily
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and business activities in
sociaty
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society
.
On the other hand
,
many
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much
show examples
sciencific
Correct your spelling
scientific
 progress has led to advancements in technology and innovation, which have transformed various aspects of daily
life
. The first one is that
for example
 the innovation of electronicity and the Internet to the development of efficient transportation systems reduce detrimental effects from incidents, and it is an instrument to assist
human
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humans
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revolutionized
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in revolutionizing
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 the way
people
 communicate, work and navigate the world.
Furthermore
,
science
 has played a pivotal role in addressing global challenges and improving living conditions.
For instance
, renewable
enery
Correct your spelling
energy
, environmental conservation and sustainable agriculture help to
developt
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develop
show examples
 solutions, decrease climate change, preserve natural resources and ensure food security. In conclusion, the central goal of
science
 should unquestionably be to improve
people
's live
along
Correct your spelling
a long
show examples
 quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
Submitted by hoangminhnhat150206 on

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Structure
Revise and ensure clarity in your introduction and conclusion for a more impactful beginning and end to your essay. This helps in reinforcing your position and summarizing your main arguments effectively.
Sentence Structure
Consider improving the structure of your sentences for better readability and clarity. Some sentences are complex and might benefit from simplification or clearer articulation.
Grammar
Review and correct small grammatical errors and typos to enhance the overall quality of your writing. Even minor inaccuracies can distract from your main points.
Content
Use specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing concrete evidence of your points.
Content
You have provided a well-reasoned argument supporting the importance of science in improving lives, which is central to the essay question.
Language
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, which enriches your expression of ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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