In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?
In recent years, there have been plenty of successful companies which are led by
women
because of the visions they illustrate to committees or the wise decisions they can provide. From my point of view, I personally disagree with this
viewpoint for many reasons, described in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached.
To begin
with, the world now apparently values the rights of people. Every gender could have a voice in voting or doing something. We should let women
play a part in significant roles to show their potential. Such
as Kamala Harris, The ex-vice president of the United States of America, was able to raise awareness and persuade a majority of citizens. She also
brought people together to advance opportunities and protect fundamental freedoms.
Moreover
, not only men who can perform their abilities and skills but also
women
who sometimes show their intellection and expertise in many ways. Thoroughness is also
one of the examples that the majority of women
all over the world have been gifted since they were born and this
is what men lack. For instance
, we can see that most of the employees in money-related businesses are women
as they are really neat and thorough.
In conclusion, some parts of the world still refuse to select female as their leader or take action in a pivotal part of their country. I strongly disagree with this
viewpoint, we should have our own voices and be able to present our own thoughts and our both hard and soft skills.Submitted by nnatthinee on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt with well-supported main points. Ensure each paragraph focuses clearly on a single idea for even greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your use of coherence and cohesion is strong, with a logical flow of ideas and effective paragraphing. To enhance this further, consider varying your sentence structures and using more linking phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, clearly presenting your main argument and summarizing your views.
supporting examples
You've effectively used examples, like the reference to Kamala Harris, to support your arguments. Adding more specific examples or statistics could further strengthen your positions.
content
The essay recognizes the importance of gender equality and the valuable contributions of women in leadership, which is a positive and relevant stance on the issue.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite