IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Nowadays, a lot of people are able to do their work from home. Discuss both the advantage and disadvantages of this development.

#people #work #home #advantage #development
In
this
 era, because of growing
technology
 working from
home
 has become very popular among workers.
However
, there are some
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
show examples
 and cons related to his that working from is stressful or comfortable. I will explain both views in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with,
this
 development in
technology
 beneficially impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
humankind worldwide. To explain, employees can
work
 from without missing their family in
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 house,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 might help in their
work
 performance.
Moreover
, to cover long distance from
home
 to
work
 helps the environment
as well as
 by not using private cars.
Furthermore
,
this
technology
 gives an opportunity for applicants who are not native to the country, they can
work
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their laptops or computers without travelling there.
On the other hand
, there are
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
show examples
 of disadvantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
. It creates stress in
work
 field and can bring stress at
home
 as well.
This
 action directly impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the relationships between spouses.
Moreover
, new statistics
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 that 80% of family problems are signified in their workplace.
Although
, we cannot underestimate the importance of
technology
, the community should learn how to separate working life from real life.
To conclude
, it depends on people
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how to use
this
 development in
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 and
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
show examples
 way.
Submitted by AP on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Consider improving the structure of your essay by ensuring there is a clear separation between paragraphs and ideas for better readability.
Introduction/Conclusion
Try to enhance your introduction and conclusion to be more engaging and reflective of your arguments.
Content
Include more specific examples and details to clearly support your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Content Balance
You've done a good job discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, providing a balanced view.
Tone
Your essay successfully adopts a formal tone suitable for an IELTS essay.
Vocabulary Range
You've made an effort to use a range of vocabulary, which enriches your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cost savings
  • commute time
  • stress
  • productivity
  • focus
  • face-to-face interaction
  • social isolation
  • work-life separation
  • distractions
  • discipline
  • dependence
  • technology
What to do next:
Look at other essays: