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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, a lot of people are able to do their work from home. Discuss both the advantage and disadvantages of this development.

#people #work #home #advantage #development
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In
this
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 era, because of growing
technology
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 working from
home
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 has become very popular among workers.
However
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, there are some
prons
Correct your spelling
pros
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 and cons related to his that working from is stressful or comfortable. I will explain both views in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 development in
technology
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 beneficially impacts
on
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apply
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humankind worldwide. To explain, employees can
work
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 from without missing their family in
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 house,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might help in their
work
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 performance.
Moreover
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, to cover long distance from
home
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 to
work
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 helps the environment
as well as
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 by not using private cars.
Furthermore
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,
this
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technology
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 gives an opportunity for applicants who are not native to the country, they can
work
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by
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on
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 their laptops or computers without travelling there.
On the other hand
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, there are
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
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 of disadvantages
from
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to
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 working
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home
Change preposition
at home
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. It creates stress in
work
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 field and can bring stress at
home
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 as well.
This
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 action directly impacts
on
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apply
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the relationships between spouses.
Moreover
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, new statistics
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
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 that 80% of family problems are signified in their workplace.
Although
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, we cannot underestimate the importance of
technology
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, the community should learn how to separate working life from real life.
To conclude
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, it depends on people
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how to use
this
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 development in
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 and
beneficially
Change the word
beneficial
show examples
 way.
Submitted by AP on

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Structure
Consider improving the structure of your essay by ensuring there is a clear separation between paragraphs and ideas for better readability.
Introduction/Conclusion
Try to enhance your introduction and conclusion to be more engaging and reflective of your arguments.
Content
Include more specific examples and details to clearly support your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
Content Balance
You've done a good job discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working from home, providing a balanced view.
Tone
Your essay successfully adopts a formal tone suitable for an IELTS essay.
Vocabulary Range
You've made an effort to use a range of vocabulary, which enriches your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cost savings
  • commute time
  • stress
  • productivity
  • focus
  • face-to-face interaction
  • social isolation
  • work-life separation
  • distractions
  • discipline
  • dependence
  • technology
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