Some people say that television contributes more than any other modern inventions to the quality of life of the modern people. Do you agree or disagree?
A group of individual thinks that
television
has made our life
easier than Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
past as compared to any other Change preposition
in the
other
technological Remove the redundancy
apply
equipments
of the contemporary era. In my perspective it is not true are many other advancements that are far superior and Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
provided
more comfort for Wrong verb form
provide
the
human life Correct article usage
apply
such
as mobile phone
, Fix the agreement mistake
phones
computer
and means of Fix the agreement mistake
computers
transports
.
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
To begin
with, the techonology
has definitely made our lives easier. One of the Correct your spelling
technology
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
television
appears to be less contributing as a source of information it provides to its user
. Fix the agreement mistake
users
Also
, other modern inventions have more
contributed to humanity Correct quantifier usage
apply
such
as mobile phones through which one can easily communicate with any family member or friend with a click on the screen. Besides
this
, someone can do a live chat as well as
make a video call which adds to the warmth of closeness with their dear ones. For instance
, if any relative stays in a foreign country then
anyone can easily send messages to them with any app available. Despite the news channels as source
of information available Add an article
a source
in
Change preposition
on
the
Correct article usage
apply
television
, it has limited usage than any other invention.
Moreover
, the
other technologies have made our work easy at Correct article usage
apply
work place
. Because of Correct your spelling
workplace
many
Correct article usage
the many
softwares
available Correct your spelling
software
computer
can do many laborious calculation jobs in seconds or even at a pace that Fix the agreement mistake
computers
the
humans cannot decipher. Correct article usage
apply
However
, television
is only great for household use where families stay together and could
use it to enjoy their evening with each other watching shows and movies. Wrong verb form
can
Thus
, television
have
lesser utility than Change the verb form
has
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
at
Change preposition
in
a
Correct article usage
the
work place
.
Correct your spelling
workplace
To conclude
, the television
is a great source of information. Inspite
of the qualities it has it cannot perform Correct your spelling
In spite
that
way the other sources of Correct determiner usage
the
communications
do. Fix the agreement mistake
communication
Hence
, it is reasonable to suggest that other modern inventions are working better than the television
.Submitted by DIANA on
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task achievement
Stay on topic and directly answer the question asked within the introduction to provide a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by explaining how they directly impact the quality of life, thus reinforcing your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Using cohesive devices like linking words will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct minor spelling and grammar mistakes, as these can detract from your overall message.
task achievement
You made a good effort to compare the impact of television with other technologies on modern life, which is a key aspect of the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively organizes your thoughts and arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
