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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Students should pay the full cost of their own study because university education benefits individual rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #cost #study #university #education #society
In
this
 day and age, some agree with the idea that
students
 have a responsibility for the full cost of their own
study
 at university to comprehend themselves. From my perspective, the investment in
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 path has significant effects on their
study
 path and the community.
To begin
 with, distributing completely their budget for
study
 at university has optimistic effects on the positive development.
Firstly
,
students
 have the opportunity to approach and access top-notch
study
 methods. It is evident that many universities and colleges across the globe applied modern technologies in teaching.
Consequently
, they obtain more knowledge and practical skills, which can support their occupation.
Furthermore
, schools might allocate their budget to invest and enhance facilities like campus, centre hall, or sports region to help
students
 participate in various activities that improve their physical and mental well-being. On the flip side, I contend that society has a chance to receive contributions from learners in many aspects of life.
Initially
, the majority of graduate have a desire to dedicate
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
 their community. Obviously, in contemporary society, there is an increasing number of needs for education, healthcare, and entertainment.
Moreover
, voluntary work has become the trend for the young generation to aim for a sustainable public. It can be seen that many fresh graduates organise teaching for minority children in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mountainous areas to help them be exposed to lessons. In conclusion, today's
students
 have the right to allocate their budget for
study
 to increase many career opportunities. I believe that to aim for a wealthy country, it is necessary to have dedications of the future generation.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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task achievement
While your argumentation is clear, providing even more specific examples and evidence would enhance the persuasiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow.
task achievement
Ensure clarity in your argumentation by directly addressing the prompt in both the introduction and the conclusion to strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
Make more explicit connections between paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You effectively included an introduction and a conclusion that encapsulated the main ideas of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported with reasons, benefiting the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates clear engagement with the topic, providing relevant examples and reasoned arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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