Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?
There have been observations that a growing number of animal species are becoming extinct, and some others are
also
showing similar signs. Several factors contributing to this
negative trend, especially in the fishing industry, include the use of illegal fishing equipment, and overfishing, and this
essay discusses ways to prevent this
negative phenomenon from happening.
One of the reasons many animal species are extinct or near-extinct is due to
the inappropriate use of fishing equipment. The development of new technology has aided fishermen in harvesting a great volume of fish
from the oceans or rivers. For instance
, the electrical fishing nets allow the fishermen to get hundreds or even thousands of kilograms of fish
in each catch. Regardless of their size, the fish
are transported to the market for sale. When this
kind of practice continued, sooner or later, there would be fewer fish
available for the next catches.
Furthermore
, there are specific seasons for fish
harvesting. However
, in reality, many cases have been reported in relation to overfishing, especially during the reproduction seasons. Without proper regulations, many fishermen continue to carry out these activities in order to sustain their family income.
With that being said, there are many mechanisms that can be adopted to mitigate such
a risk of extinction, one of which is played by the government. They have the authority to control where and how the fishing takes place. I believe, with systematic regulation and control, we can save the fish
species from being extinct. Fish
farming can also
be an alternative to wild fish
catching. With effective practice, I think, the quality of fish
raised on the farm can be as nutritious as those that are caught in the wild.
All in all, there are many reasons that contribute to the extinction of fish
, two of which are the inappropriate use of fishing materials, and overfishing. To prevent this
from happening, the government should establish numerous strategies, such
as a system to track and identify illegal fishing equipment and promote fish
farming as a replacement for traditional fishing practices.Submitted by emteeme on
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task achievement
You provide a complete response to the task and address both the reasons for animal species becoming extinct and ways to solve the problem. However, the examples used are a bit too generalized. For instance, besides electrical nets, you could mention specific examples like dynamite fishing or large trawlers to make the argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with clear introduction and conclusion sections. Each paragraph has a clear focus, making it easy to follow your train of thought. However, adding more transitional phrases would improve the coherence even further, such as 'Additionally' or 'Moreover' to link ideas smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion effectively. You’ve correctly identified the issue and outlined the scope of the essay, which sets a good stage for the argument.
logical structure
The essay has a logical flow with each paragraph focusing on a single idea. This logical structure helps the reader follow your argument without confusion.
supported main points
The main points in the essay are well supported and the ideas presented are generally clear and comprehensive. Each idea follows logically from the previous one, maintaining a strong level of coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.