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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that girls should take their husband's name after marriage while others feel that they should not follow this age old tradition. What is your opinion?

#people #girls #husband #name #marriage #age #tradition
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it is well known that some individuals believe that females ought to get their spouses' family names. But others claim, that
this
 is an old-fashioned tradition and it should not exist anymore. I totally agree with the idea that it is not
appropiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
because generates a lot of confusion because in many nations
this
 practice is uncommon.
Also
, in order to keep women's identity is better to not
change
 their
last
name
.
To begin
 with, when a woman decides to
change
 their
last
name
 for her husband's
name
 after the legal union,
this
 implies a lot of paperwork.
For instance
, the person should start to get a new identification card, a new passport, and sometimes a new driver's licence.
Thus
,
this
 woman will have a busy time after marriage
due to
this
.and sometimes those
process
Change the determiner
processes
show examples
 take a long period of time. Another complication
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is to explain
this
change
 in your
last
name
 to your family, friends and co-workers and of course, many of them will not understand because
this
 law is not applicable worldwide.
For example
, I come from Chile and
this
 kind of situation never happened, but since I live in the USA all my friends did it after they got married.
In addition
, if a person has been raised with a family
name
,
this
 person has an authentical signature and identity.
Therefore
, what is the logical reason for making
this
change
? Maybe couples make
this
 decision to show a sense of belonging. But it is a huge mistake, because after all, in the present
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 many marriages end in divorce.
As a result
, the female could end
without
Change preposition
up without
show examples
 a husband and without identity.
Due to
this
, it is much better to preserve your old family
name
. In conclusion, even when many cultures women make the decision to
change
 their husbands' names, I consider that
this
 approach makes us lose our special signature, and
also
 it is disrespectful to our original family.
Submitted by katina.marinakisossa on

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task achievement
To improve your score further, consider exploring different viewpoints in more depth to provide a more balanced argument. While your position is clear, acknowledging the opposing perspective could enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. While your essay follows a logical order, diversity in sentence construction can make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure your verb tenses remain consistent throughout your essay. This will help to improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
Your introduction set a clear stance on the topic, effectively laying the foundation for your subsequent arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps in making your essay more convincing to the reader.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow your arguments from start to finish, which is crucial for reader comprehension.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural tradition
  • Identity
  • Deep-rooted
  • Symbolizing
  • Dilute
  • Equality
  • Individuality
  • Partnership
  • Preserves
  • Practical implications
  • Hassle
  • Professional recognition
  • Continuity
  • Personal brand
  • Implications
  • Perceptions
  • Administrative matters
  • Pressures
  • Social expectations
  • Personal preference
  • Global perspectives
  • Changing norms
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