IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some argue that it is not obligatory to pay
taxes
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 that support the state
education
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 system for
families
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 who
enroll
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enrol
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 their children in private
schools
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. In my point of view, I disagree with
this
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 opinion. For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to reduce
taxes
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 for
families
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 who pay for private
education
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.
Firstly
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, paying
taxes
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 helps improve the
education
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 system for all groups in society. The government can build new
schools
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 in underprivileged areas and enhance the quality of teaching and resources.
For instance
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,
taxes
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 collected from all citizens can be used to provide modern facilities, updated textbooks, and qualified teachers in rural
schools
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. So, the government should continue to develop public
schools
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 to ensure educational justice and equal access to learning opportunities for all children.
Therefore
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, even wealthy
families
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 should continue to pay
education
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taxes
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 to support the public system.
Secondly
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, if wealthy people are exempted from paying
education
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taxes
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, the main financial burden of supporting public
schools
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 would fall on lower-income
families
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. Unfortunately, most of these
families
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 cannot afford to pay higher
taxes
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, and
as a result
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, public
schools
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 may become severely underfunded.
This
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 could lead to a decline in the quality of
education
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, forcing many children to drop out of school.
For example
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, studies in parts of Africa have shown that underfunded
schools
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 in low-income regions often lead to high dropout rates and limited job opportunities for students.
As a result
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, society may lose countless talented individuals who could have contributed to national progress in fields like science, medicine, or
education
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. In conclusion, all
families
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, regardless of schooling choices, should support public
education
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 through
taxes
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, as it ensures equal opportunities and benefits society as a whole.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by briefly acknowledging the opposing argument before reinforcing your own stance.
task achievement
Ensure that all points are clearly articulated and directly support your main argument. Expand on the importance of education taxes for the whole community.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well, but using more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the cohesion further, linking ideas even more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to maintain interest and demonstrate a wider range of language proficiency.
task achievement
Clear stance taken on the issue, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic and purpose of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure with clear paragraphs, each focused on a specific point of your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tax exemption
  • public education
  • private schools
  • collective responsibility
  • societal welfare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • social cohesion
  • tax credits
  • vouchers
  • subsidies
  • state-funded
  • socioeconomic disparities
  • public vs. private sector
  • quality of education
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