IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in 1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet. ▪Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the number of times per week (in 1000s), over five weeks, that three computer packages were downloaded from the internet. ▪Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #times #week #five #weeks #three #computer #packages #internet #▪summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar chart
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
times
Activex
,
Java
 and Net were taken from
network
Add an article
the network
show examples
 during five
weeks
.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
,
Activex
 had
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 were taken by users more than others. Meanwhile, Net was less popular and
Java
 was in the middle rank
whereas
, their frequency
changer
Correct your spelling
changed
show examples
 over time.
To begin
 with,
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of downloading Acivex
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 in
weeks
 1, 2 and 3 to about 100. After that, it
falls
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 down
then
hightened
Correct your spelling
heightened
tightened
 again to more than 120. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
Activex
 fluctuated during
weeks
 3 to 5. In
contreast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
Java
 had a steady positive slope
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in
week
 1 with 45
times
 reaches to more than 80 in
week
 5. In spite of its
increacing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 trend,
Java
 could not overtake
Activex
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 5
weeks
.
Also
, Net had decreased in numbers until
week
 3 and dipped
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about 20
then
 the increasing rate
begins
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 and over 40 in
week
 5. Even so, it was at its maximum in
week
 5 point but,
at the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
 Net has downloaded half of
Java
 and
one third
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
 of
Activex
. Totally, in most of
Add an article
the weeks
show examples
weeks
Add a comma
weeks,
show examples
Activex
 was double
times
 of
java
Capitalize word
Java
show examples
 and triple
times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Net.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
this
 ratio was changed some in
weeks
 2 and 3.
Submitted by Saeed201271 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words times, activex, java, weeks, week with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: