IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Discuss the disadvantages of eating fast food on health. Why do people eat fast food? What can be done to discourage it?

#food #health #people
Fast
foods
 are becoming
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 food for many
people
 in all generations - the child, the young, and even the elderly.
Therefore
, number of patients visiting a hospital
due to
 a unhealthy diet is increasing every year.
This
 essay will evaluate reasons why
people
 keep looking for fast
foods
, and methods to overcome
this
 situation. First of all, why do
people
 prefer fast
foods
 over a clean diet? The primary reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
 the public to pursue a fast-paced lifestyle.
For example
, many companies in the US do not provide a fixed lunch
time
,
hence
 workers have to eat lunch
while
 doing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
This
 made
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
find meals that are prepared in a short
time
. Generally, restaurants using organic ingredients take a long
time
 to cook food
whereas
 franchise stores take less than 10 minutes for
foods
 to come out. As
such
, living in
this
 schedule, where only fast
foods
 are allowed, for
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decades will bring several diseases
such
 as diabetes, or serious obesity.
Then
, how can the current problem
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be solved? The most efficient way is the intervention of
government
.
For instance
, governments could produce an advertisement saying the importance of
intaking
Verb problem
taking
show examples
 good nutrients and that junk
foods
 do not have those substances.
Moreover
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 could
also
 put additional taxes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 junk
foods
. In fact, in Singapore, the
government
's intervention on the public's demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 unhealthy meals had a significant impact on their health.
To sum up
,
nowdays
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nowadays
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,
environment
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the environment
show examples
 around
people
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not permit them to have good
eathing
Correct your spelling
eating
 habits.
This
 circumstance
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 for a long
time
, and it will eventually cause
variety
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a variety
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 of health issues in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 near future. So, the
assist
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assistance
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 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is getting more and more inevitable.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay addresses all parts of the question more directly and in depth. For example, while you have outlined why people eat fast food and suggested interventions, more development and examples in each section would strengthen your answer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can enhance your coherence and cohesion score.
General
Consider revising your essay for minor grammatical errors and to vary sentence structures. This will not only improve readability but also positively impact your overall score.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion present a clear overview of the essay topic, which is commendable.
Supported Main Points
You have used examples effectively to support your main points, such as referencing the situation in Singapore. More of this throughout the essay would be beneficial.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy
  • obesity
  • nutrients
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • addictive
  • convenience
  • time constraints
  • marketed
  • accessible
  • regulations
  • availability
  • dependence
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