IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Discuss the disadvantages of eating fast food on health. Why do people eat fast food? What can be done to discourage it?

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Fast
foods
Use synonyms
 are becoming
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 food for many
people
Use synonyms
 in all generations - the child, the young, and even the elderly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, number of patients visiting a hospital
due to
Linking Words
 a unhealthy diet is increasing every year.
This
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 essay will evaluate reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 keep looking for fast
foods
Use synonyms
, and methods to overcome
this
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 situation. First of all, why do
people
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 prefer fast
foods
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 over a clean diet? The primary reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
push
Change the verb form
pushes
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 the public to pursue a fast-paced lifestyle.
For example
Linking Words
, many companies in the US do not provide a fixed lunch
time
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,
hence
Linking Words
 workers have to eat lunch
while
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 doing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
This
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 made
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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find meals that are prepared in a short
time
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. Generally, restaurants using organic ingredients take a long
time
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 to cook food
whereas
Linking Words
 franchise stores take less than 10 minutes for
foods
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 to come out. As
such
Linking Words
, living in
this
Linking Words
 schedule, where only fast
foods
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 are allowed, for
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decades will bring several diseases
such
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 as diabetes, or serious obesity.
Then
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, how can the current problem
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
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be solved? The most efficient way is the intervention of
government
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, governments could produce an advertisement saying the importance of
intaking
Verb problem
taking
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 good nutrients and that junk
foods
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 do not have those substances.
Moreover
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,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 could
also
Linking Words
 put additional taxes
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 junk
foods
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. In fact, in Singapore, the
government
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's intervention on the public's demand
of
Change preposition
for
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 unhealthy meals had a significant impact on their health.
To sum up
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,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
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,
environment
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the environment
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 around
people
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not permit them to have good
eathing
Correct your spelling
eating
 habits.
This
Linking Words
 circumstance
is
Verb problem
will
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continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
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 for a long
time
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, and it will eventually cause
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of health issues in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 near future. So, the
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 is getting more and more inevitable.

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your essay addresses all parts of the question more directly and in depth. For example, while you have outlined why people eat fast food and suggested interventions, more development and examples in each section would strengthen your answer.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can enhance your coherence and cohesion score.
General
Consider revising your essay for minor grammatical errors and to vary sentence structures. This will not only improve readability but also positively impact your overall score.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion present a clear overview of the essay topic, which is commendable.
Supported Main Points
You have used examples effectively to support your main points, such as referencing the situation in Singapore. More of this throughout the essay would be beneficial.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy
  • obesity
  • nutrients
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • addictive
  • convenience
  • time constraints
  • marketed
  • accessible
  • regulations
  • availability
  • dependence
What to do next:
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