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Band 7.5

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #schools #students #money
Economic education needs to be included as a required course in the schools to mould the children to manage their finances positively.
This
 essay completely agrees with the statement that
students
 should have mandatory financial subjects at the school level. So, they can manage their asset effectively.
First,
teachers need to
share
 the basic system of
money
.
Second,
they should
also
 teach about savings and investing schemes for the children. Starting with the education system, every country and school should make the financial course a required subject for their
students
, which helps them to manage their future earnings effectively.
Furthermore
, the teachers should help to
share
 the importance and values of
money
 with their
students
.
Hence
, they will be aware of the value of the
money
. Apart from that, they should
also
 need to transfer the knowledge about simple interest, compound interest, future value, present value and inflation rate concepts to them.
As a result
, they can manage their finance effectively in the future.
For example
, most data scientists found that financial degree holders are saving their assets a lot when compared to other graduates.
On the other hand
, they should
also
 transfer their knowledge about various national schemes to save and invest their
money
.
In addition
, all professors should teach their
students
 about the stock market, mutual funds, life insurance and much more to them.
Hence
, once they turn to adult age, they will get to know where should invest and when to invest their
money
. Apart from that, they
also
 need to
share
 some basic information about fraud and scams.
Therefore
, they would not be involved in fraudulent schemes. In conclusion, teachers should want to
share
 their knowledge of financial subjects with their children. In my opinion, schools should explain
this
 process lively
instead
 of teaching.
Hence
, they never forgot the importance of the
money
.
Submitted by jeeveshkb22 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structure for a more sophisticated presentation.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread to catch and correct minor grammatical errors.
task achievement
Include a wider range of examples and evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer introduction and conclusion to better frame your essay.
task achievement
Your essay clearly supports the idea that financial education is important and should be mandatory in schools.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a structured argument with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your points, such as the mention of financial degree holders saving more.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
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