IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

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In recent years, even though there has been a lot of development across various industries in terms of acceptance for
women
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, fewer areas of the globe are reluctant to appreciate the female community. One
such
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 area of concern is
women
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’s suffrage-the
right
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 of
women
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 to
vote
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. I strongly believe that every citizen has equal
rights
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 and any discrimination based on gender must not be entertained. It is not ideal for any nation to deny a citizen to exercise his/her franchise. All individuals, whether male, female or any other gender have equitable
rights
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 to be partakers of the governance process. If a female is not exempted from paying taxes to the government,
then
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 she has the
right
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 to cast her
vote
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 too.
For instance
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,
countries
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 like India successfully established equal voting
rights
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 when the constitution was
initially
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 created. It paved the way for creating successful
women
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 leaders not only in politics but
also
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 in other sectors like business, agriculture etc.
Hence
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, to build a qualitative atmosphere, it is crucial for any nation to impose laws which consider all groups of society. To add
further
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, the denial of
women
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’s
right
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 to
vote
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 is directly the reflection of a nation’s attitude towards gender inequality. There should not be any specific agenda towards a community as it gives the wrong message to society and
consequently
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 develops a deprived group of individuals.
For instance
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, voting for
women
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 is prohibited in Saudi Arabia and even they are restricted to appear in public and indulge in progressive conversations. Studies say that
women
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 are suppressed in
countries
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 which do not grant the freedom to cast a
vote
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. Most of the developed
countries
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 eliminated
this
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 discrimination several years before.
Therefore
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, to promote the growth of a democratic environment, it is vital to provide similar
rights
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 to people irrespective of sex.
To conclude
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, allowing
women
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 to exercise their franchise must be strictly put in place in all parts of the world. Developed
countries
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, especially leaders of democratic
countries
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 should come together and conduct healthy debates to make
this
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right
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 implemented everywhere in the world.

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Task Achievement
Try to diversify your examples and evidence further to support your points. While the references to India and Saudi Arabia are effective, adding a variety from more countries or contexts can enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider linking your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly. Using a range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases would improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Make sure every main point is followed by a detailed explanation or an example. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction sets a strong foundation for your argument, effectively presenting the issue of women's suffrage.
Task Achievement
The conclusion effectively synthesizes your argument, making a strong call to action which is excellent for task achievement.
Task Achievement
You've maintained a clear stance throughout the essay, which is great for task achievement.
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