IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
The issue of student's living place
while
tertiary
Change preposition
in tertiary
show examples
 education has sparked a heated debate among many. It is widely argued that some students prefer to live with their families,
while
 others consider
to move
Change the verb form
moving
show examples
 to another place. I am firmly of the belief that the key element of independence is separating from
place
Add an article
the place
a place
show examples
 where you originally from and, as for me, we need to do it as soon as possible.
Firstly
, it is undeniable that students from other countries most likely live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dormitories or rent an apartment. Both cases mean taking more responsibilities for life. I used to live in a dormitory when I was a student and I was
suprised
Correct your spelling
surprised
 by the amount of things that you have to do.
For example
, paying electric bills,
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 food regularly and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
along with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of people.
While
 living with your
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
, your parents take care of
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
 part of an adult's life, in that case, you
hardly
Add a missing verb
are hardly
show examples
 familiar with these types of problems.
Secondly
, every family has a package of rules that you must follow. These rules might hide your own potential and wishes. When I was living with my parents, I was forbidden to go outside until I finished the homework and it was the main reason why I did not get enough friends.
However
, there are a few disadvantages of living away from home. The main discomfort lay on emotional and
metal
Correct your spelling
mental
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. You can obtain love and support from family and being
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the distance may hurt your feelings.
Overall
, I assume that the advantages of living at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 distance from family outweigh the negative sides.
Submitted by juliashipovskaja on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Introduce your essay with a clearer statement about your position to give readers a better understanding of your argument from the beginning.
Body Content
Expand on your examples by explaining how they specifically relate to the benefits and drawbacks of living away from home during university. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly, providing a strong finish to your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly and improve the flow of your essay. This could include conjunctions, lexical phrases, and topic sentences that clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph.
Examples
Good use of specific personal examples to support your arguments.
Balance
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced consideration of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: