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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people have greater access to fast food Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvanatages

#people #access #food #outweigh #disadvanatages
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Nowadays, the population can find fast
food
Use synonyms
 more convenient, in my view,
this
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 development has several drawbacks,
such
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 as obesity and hygiene problems. I will discuss both views in the following graphs.
To begin
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 with, fast
food
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 has changed citizens' lives these days and they can simply find a fast
food
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 store in all locations.
This
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 new type of meal can cause obesity because it contains a significant amount of fat. Some surveys measured that if a human wants to digest a king-size hamburger his/her body needs around 4 days to digest it completely.
As a result
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, we gradually get used to eating more and our body fat will increase simultaneously.
For instance
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, some researchers asked about the obese population's diet and most of them mentioned they usually eat 4 fast
food
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 dishes per week.
Additionally
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, fast
food
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 contains different unhealthy ingredients
such
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 as salt and oil palms, these two materials will not affect our bodies at the time we consume them but they steadily raise our blood pressure and other aspects of our body will be infected and our health will be harmed by our meals.
On the other hand
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, there might be a group of people who think fast
food
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 is a beneficial meal and the only good point is , it can be made easily and fast, despite that, there is no profit in that type of cuisine and we are just consuming oil and unhealthy materials.
Moreover
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, healthy foods can be made fast too and they only need fresh materials to make us able to cook them. In conclusion, in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast meals
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been introduced over these years and
this
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food
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 has rocketed and the only positive point is ,it can be provided fast,
however
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, can cause obesity and hygiene problems
also
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 if we have fresh material we will be able to make healthy cuisine fast.
lastly
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, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

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Grammar&Vocabulary
Make sure to diversify your sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate a broader range of grammar skills.
Task Achievement
Try to directly address how the advantages might compare to the disadvantages more explicitly in your argument to strengthen your analysis.
Coherence&Cohesion
Using linking phrases more effectively can improve the flow of your essay and help with the logical progression of your ideas.
Content
Incorporate a wider variety of examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
Structure
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
Content
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
Vocabulary
You successfully used topic-related vocabulary to express your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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