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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

International travel brings benefits to travellers and the countries visited, but it also harms for the environment. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#travel #travellers #countries #environment
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It is argued that international
travel
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 not only benefits the travellers and the countries visited but
also
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 has a bad effect on the
environment
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the disadvantages and advantages that come from abroad
travel
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. On the one hand, international
travel
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 could pose some drawbacks.
To begin
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, chemical materials that harm the
environment
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 could be produced by the fuel of transportation
such
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 as planes, trains, buses, or ships.
Moreover
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, people need that kind of carrier to take them to their destinations which will lead to a significant increase in frequency and fuel required. To illustrate, CO2 gas results from the usage of air in aeroplanes and the more flights, the more CO2 is produced to harm our
environment
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.
On the other hand
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,
travel
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 abroad offers more benefits. The two main advantages of it are opening many jobs and the growth of countries' economies.
Firstly
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, when it comes to
travel
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, it needs infrastructure which results in a number of occupations.
For example
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, the country must hire its local workers to construct the roads, buildings, hotels, and parks, to facilitate the visitors.
Secondly
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, abroad travelers come to the country bring a lot of money.
Thus
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, the expenditure of travellers will come into the country and there will be supply and demand in the area.
For instance
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, visitors
travel
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 to spend their savings by paying for the hotel, buying food and souvenirs, and purchasing attraction tickets. In conclusion,
although
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 international
travel
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 may harm the
environment
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, it has an extremely positive impact as it gives many jobs and economic growth.
Therefore
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, I believe that these benefits overshadow its drawbacks.
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Integrate more diverse connective devices to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider expanding on the environmental impacts by including possible solutions to mitigate these drawbacks, making your argument more balanced.
Task Achievement
Further develop your examples by detailing how the positive impacts of international travel can be maximized, such as sustainable tourism practices.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which aids reader comprehension.
Task Achievement
You effectively included supportive examples to illustrate your points, strengthening your arguments.
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