IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much info as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Other, believe that some information in too important or valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give opinion

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In the eyes of some, information should be freely available in academia, science fields and among
business
Use synonyms
 entrepreneurs, whilst other people argue that
such
Linking Words
 essential matters should not be widely accessible.
This
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 essay will shed light on the aforementioned before concluding that the author believes a balanced approach should be taken. There are several benefits of enabling the availability of data in various fields. First and foremost, in the
business
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 sector, organisations should ensure transparency in
products
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product
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 information,
financial
Correct word choice
and financial
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 statements in order to preserve the code of ethnic and create a fair relationship between key partners.
For example
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, companies should disclose details on the ingredients of their products for customers to make informed purchases.
Moreover
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, in academia and in the field of science, knowledge should be shared freely among labs and
institution
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institutions
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, as it would cultivate multidisciplinary cooperation, paving the way for various
breakthoughs
Correct your spelling
breakthroughs
 and novel discoveries. To illustrate,
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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Covid-19
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COVID-19
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 vaccine is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 product made by a joint effort between a university in Japan and one prestige institute in the UK.
On the contrary
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, it is indispensable that certain information should not be published widely, as it contains trade secrets or confidential matters. In fact, numerous
organsations
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organisations
 have invested a fortune
on
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in
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 research and development before launching
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
certain products, and it is within the companies' right to keep the details protected.
For example
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, the recipe of
Coca-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
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beverage
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beverages
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 is protected by a patent, which protects the ingredients
to be
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from being
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 copied by competitors.
Furthermore
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, especially in the cases of government-owned
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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, there are certain matters that could not be disclosed, as it holds crucial values to a country's economy. In conclusion, I think that both sides have their own merits, and
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
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 should discuss and
issues
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issue
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 laws that ensure fairness,
while
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 maintaining integrity in
business
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, science and academia.

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coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, try to ensure that each paragraph flows more smoothly. Consider using transitional phrases to enhance the coherence between the points you raise.
task achievement
Ensure your main points are consistently linked to the essay question. For example, explicitly connect the examples you provide to the main argument being discussed.
coherence cohesion
You have introduced the topic well and provided clear arguments for both sides, which demonstrates a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are concise, relevant, and well-structured.
task achievement
Your examples, such as the collaboration on the Covid-19 vaccine and the Coca-Cola recipe, are relevant and add depth to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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