IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should provide assistance for artists such as musicians, painters, and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #assistance #artists #musicians #painters #poets #waste #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain individuals believe that the
government
Use synonyms
 should give
artists
Use synonyms
 some privileges because of their talents. Others think it is just a waste of
money
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I believe that its advantages are out weight its disadvantages. On the one hand, the funding that the
government
Use synonyms
 spends on
artists
Use synonyms
 may have some negative effects.
This
Linking Words
 is because the assistance that the
government
Use synonyms
 provides to them may get the wrong
people
Use synonyms
 who lack talent or some
people
Use synonyms
 with bad personalities.
For example
Linking Words
, there was a policy that talents in Vietnam could study abroad and, after graduating, must come back to serve the
country
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 choose the near revenue of their stay in that
country
Use synonyms
;
moreover
Linking Words
, they study with the
government
Use synonyms
's
money
Use synonyms
 to work and earn
money
Use synonyms
 there. These make the expenditure a waste of
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, its benefits outweigh the withdrawals. First of all, if the
government
Use synonyms
 assists
artists
Use synonyms
, it can be easier to preserve the traditional culture.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the products of these
artists
Use synonyms
 can introduce the culture and the
country
Use synonyms
 worldwide.
Thus
Linking Words
 promoting the tourists and boosting the economy.
For instance
Linking Words
, Sơn Tùng MTP, a common singer in Vietnam, made our
country
Use synonyms
 more popular because of his hit.
This
Linking Words
 makes the help of the
government
Use synonyms
 meaningful because it makes the economy increase significantly. In conclusion, the assistance for
artists
Use synonyms
. could have some negative effects if it is given to the wrong
people
Use synonyms
, but it still plays an essential role in developing the economy of the nation.
Submitted by linh.le0995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas, especially when explaining the opposing view. This can help form a more well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to illustrate your points further, giving readers a concrete understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improving the flow of your arguments will enhance coherence, making it easier for readers to follow your line of thought.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize your arguments, creating a strong structure for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a logically structured argument that outlines both sides of the discussion, alongside your opinion.
task achievement
You address the task effectively by discussing both views and providing your viewpoint.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: