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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the government should provide assistance for artists such as musicians, painters, and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Certain individuals believe that the
government
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 should give
artists
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 some privileges because of their talents. Others think it is just a waste of
money
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. From my perspective, I believe that its advantages are out weight its disadvantages. On the one hand, the funding that the
government
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 spends on
artists
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 may have some negative effects.
This
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 is because the assistance that the
government
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 provides to them may get the wrong
people
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 who lack talent or some
people
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 with bad personalities.
For example
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, there was a policy that talents in Vietnam could study abroad and, after graduating, must come back to serve the
country
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. Some
people
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 choose the near revenue of their stay in that
country
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;
moreover
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, they study with the
government
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's
money
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 to work and earn
money
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 there. These make the expenditure a waste of
money
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.
However
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, in my opinion, its benefits outweigh the withdrawals. First of all, if the
government
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 assists
artists
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, it can be easier to preserve the traditional culture.
Consequently
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, the products of these
artists
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 can introduce the culture and the
country
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 worldwide.
Thus
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 promoting the tourists and boosting the economy.
For instance
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, Sơn Tùng MTP, a common singer in Vietnam, made our
country
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 more popular because of his hit.
This
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 makes the help of the
government
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 meaningful because it makes the economy increase significantly. In conclusion, the assistance for
artists
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. could have some negative effects if it is given to the wrong
people
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, but it still plays an essential role in developing the economy of the nation.

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity of your ideas, especially when explaining the opposing view. This can help form a more well-rounded argument.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to illustrate your points further, giving readers a concrete understanding of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improving the flow of your arguments will enhance coherence, making it easier for readers to follow your line of thought.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively present and summarize your arguments, creating a strong structure for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a logically structured argument that outlines both sides of the discussion, alongside your opinion.
task achievement
You address the task effectively by discussing both views and providing your viewpoint.
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