IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move from large cities to the regional areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays , government bodies are recommending bigger industries
as well as
Linking Words
 businesses to develop in smaller
areas
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 .
Although
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this
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 movement can
show
Verb problem
have
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 an effect on the environment , I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks because more
employment
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opportunities
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 will be available. The most common problem is deforestation . Cutting down trees in a particular
area
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 might lead to a lack of oxygen in the air which results in an abundant amount of harmful gases in the
area
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 , eventually ,
people
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 could suffer from health issues like breathing problems and anxiety.
Besides
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this
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 , the natural landscape of the particular
area
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 might be destroyed after industrialisation,and
as a consequence
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 , that district might lose its uniqueness .
However
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 , I believe that the development of the regional
areas
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 provides benefits in terms of
employment
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. The major advantage is that the
people
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 will get a lot of
employment
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opportunities
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 in their
area
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 ,so, they do not need to move to urban
areas
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 in search of
employment
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 . Many
people
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 leave their
area
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 in order to find better
opportunities
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 in the large cities to earn better wages for their family members . If big industries were set up in the regional
areas
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then
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 it would be beneficial for local
people
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 because they could save time and money by searching for job
opportunities
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 in their
area
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 .
For example
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 , large-scale businesses like McDonald's are a boon to regional
people
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 by providing local
people
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work
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with work
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 so they do not need to leave their families in order to earn a basic income. In conclusion , states are flourishing these big businesses and industries in smaller
areas
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 so that
employment
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opportunities
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 will be available to all human beings despite their harmful effect on the environment and the fear of losing the natural beauty of that
area
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. For these reasons, the positives far outnumber the negatives.

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Writing Mechanics
Be cautious with the use of punctuation and spacing between words and punctuation marks to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Development
Consider developing your arguments more fully with additional examples or more detailed explanations to enhance your essay's persuasiveness and depth.
Coherence
Make use of a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and coherence of your essay. Though the structure is clear, more sophisticated connectors could enhance readability and cohesion.
Grammar
Carefully proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a more refined presentation.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages before stating your opinion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing the overall argument of the essay.
Example Usage
You provided a relevant example to support your main argument, which helps strengthen your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban sprawl
  • decentralization
  • sustainable development
  • infrastructure
  • quality of life
  • economic disparity
  • rural revitalization
  • overcrowding
  • resource allocation
  • talent retention
  • commuter issues
  • regional development
  • corporate relocation
  • workforce migration
  • urban-rural divide
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