IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages? Transactions are trackable convenient if no cash available

#countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development #transactions #trackable #cash
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With the enhancement of technology, physical
money
 is being replaced by
electonic
Correct your spelling
electronic
 or soft cash. It helps an individual to pay with the help of
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
 phone application with a single tap. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it has numerous advantages, which will be discussed in forthcoming
paraghraphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
To begin
 with,
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
show examples
 of physical
money
 has helped people to reduce the risk associated with carrying large some of
money
 in their wallets.
In other words
,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an individual can make a payment
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 just one click without carrying physical cash has helped them reduce the risk of getting mugged. As per the article
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
new york times
Correct your spelling
New York Times
show examples
, soft
money
 has reduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
such
 as theft,
robbery
Correct word choice
and robbery
show examples
 rates by 58% in
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 year.
Furthermore
, making payments by mobile application helps an individual to keep
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track of their
spendings
Fix the agreement mistake
spending
show examples
.
For instance
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, an average human makes around 4-7
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
 per day.
By making
Change preposition
Making
show examples
 the payment using physical cash can sometimes mess up their budget
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of tracking or not classifying the transaction properly. But with the utilisation of these applications or
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 they do the job for you, they classify each transaction and
sets
Correct subject-verb agreement
set
show examples
 the spending limit for each category,
this
 whole process helps an individual to keep
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper track of their
expences
Correct your spelling
expenses
show examples
. In conclusion, cellphone applications are helping youngsters to manage their finances in a better way by keeping
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
track of each
transation
Correct your spelling
transaction
 and eliminating or reducing the risk of robbery and theft.
Submitted by vasudha.gupta0818 on

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Task Achievement
Expand on the disadvantages to provide a more balanced view or clearly state the essay will focus on advantages only.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be careful with spelling and typo errors, such as 'electonic' instead of 'electronic' or 'paraghraphs' instead of 'paragraphs', to maintain a professional tone.
Coherence & Cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Achievement
Good use of specific examples to support claims, though more diversity in examples would strengthen it further.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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