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Band 4.5

Taxing Industries, corporates and individuals based on their environmental footprint is the only way to save the environment. Do you agree with the statement? Give your opinion.

#industries #corporates #individuals #footprint #environment
Nowadays, we cannot imagine our existence without
traveling
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travelling
show examples
. It is worth saying that some
officiels
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officials
diclare
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declare
declared
 that more investments should be
done
Verb problem
made
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 in the railway system rather than in improving
autoroads
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auto roads
autoloads
,
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think the other way around. In
this
assay
Add a comma
assay,
show examples
 both, pluses and minuses concerning the issue will be represented. On one side, we live in an epoch when scientists are preoccupied with the
globel
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global
worming
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warming
show examples
 issue and developing railways may have some benefits to help reduce carbon dioxide emissions. Another argument in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of trains is that modern
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
show examples
 today, are much safer than automobiles or buses, which has been calculated statistically.
In addition
 to
this
, they are much quicker
copared
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compared
 to their ancestors.
Furthermore
,
contaperary
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contemporary
contrary
 e-trains are even faster than any auto transport.
On the other hand
, e-viechales do not produce CO2 or other harmful gases anymore. Another argument against railroads is that we cannot
erract
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retract
extract
 them everywhere or at least constructing them is sometimes
rather
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rather a
a rather
show examples
 difficult task
in contrast
 to
erracting
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extracting
retracting
erecting
 roads in the same areas.
Moreover
, if you are an owner of
you
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your
show examples
viacheal
Correct your spelling
Michael
, it is your own business who
go
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goes
show examples
 with
or
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you or
show examples
 where to go. In
concusion
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conclusion
, both of those two
tranport
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transport
 segments should be invested
and
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in and
show examples
 improved.
However
, experts should pay more attention
for
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to
show examples
 developing railroads and e-trains. It may well give people more choices and probably reduce CO2
emmisions
Correct your spelling
emissions
 and other exhaust gases.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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Spelling & Grammar
Consider revising for spelling and grammatical errors to enhance clarity, as errors such as 'assay' (essay), 'globel worming' (global warming), and 'contaperary' (contemporary) may distract the reader.
Language Variety
Use a variety of sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language proficiency.
Supporting Examples
Clarify and expand on your examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could provide specific studies or data to support the claim that e-trains are faster than automobiles.
Argument Specificity
Be careful with the specificity of your arguments. Avoid overly broad or generalized statements without concrete evidence or examples.
Introduction & Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear opinion and summarization.
Task Achievement
Your essay engages with the topic's complexity by considering both sides of the argument, which demonstrates comprehensiveness in task achievement.
Logical Structure & Organization
You have organized your essay well with clear distinctions between paragraphs for each side of your argument, aiding in the coherence and cohesion of your piece.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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