In some countries, older people are choosing to live in retirement communities with other old people rather than live with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

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It has been observed that in some countries, the elderly prefer to live in

retirement

Use synonyms

communities

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rather than live with their kids. I believe that

this

Linking Words

trend contributes to positive development. On the one hand, living in

retirement

Use synonyms

communities

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enables the elderly to have their own social circle. The elderly resonate more with each other than their kids. They can discuss singers or fashion that belong to their generation.

By contrast

Linking Words

, If the elderly live with

children

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, the distance between them may increase because

children

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have their own social circles and lack the time to accompany them.

As a result

Linking Words

, the elderly prefer to live in

retirement

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communities

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with peers

accompany

Wrong verb form

accompanying

show examples

each other.

Moreover

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, living in

retirement

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communities

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helps the elderly to receive convenient medical services at

anytime

Replace the word

any time

show examples

This

Linking Words

is because there usually are professional medical services provided in

Linking Words

thus

Correct your spelling

these

show examples

communities

Use synonyms

. If they live with their kids,

children

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may need to take off to take the elderly to

hospital

Correct article usage

the hospital

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, which

also

Linking Words

requires advance booking.

This

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is really inconvenient

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

children

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and the elderly.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, living in

retirement

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communities

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cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

the elderly out of touch with society.

For example

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, they can pay cash if they don’t know how to use electronic payment.

However

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this

Linking Words

makes it difficult and inconvenient for the elderly

Change preposition

apply

show examples

outside these

communities

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, In

this

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generation, some stores or public transportation only receive electronic payment. They would gradually become unable to leave the

retirement

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communities

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. But if they live with their

children

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, who can teach them how to use new technology

such

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Remove the comma

apply

show examples

computers and cell phones

Change the punctuation

show examples

This

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not only helps them keep independence but

also

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remains

Correct your spelling

retains

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the ability to adapt

society

Change preposition

to society

show examples

. In conclusion,

while

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I recognize the possible drawbacks of living in

retirement

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communities

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, I consider it to be a positive development

overall

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Submitted by tiger801211574 on Sun Apr 14 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a balanced discussion by exploring both sides of the argument comprehensively. You've made a good start, but further elaboration could strengthen your position.

Task Achievement

Work on developing your points more fully. Including more detailed examples and explaining your points in greater depth will add strength to your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing. This will also help in making your arguments more compelling.

Coherence and Cohesion

Keep paragraphs clearly focused. Each paragraph should ideally discuss one main idea in depth, rather than introducing multiple ideas without sufficient explanation.

Introduction and Conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion clearly define your viewpoint, providing a good framework for your essay.

Use of Examples

Good use of examples to support your arguments, making your essay more persuasive.

Logical Structure

Effective use of paragraphs to organize your ideas, aiding the essay's overall readability and logical flow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

300 words

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In some countries, older people are choosing to live in retirement communities with other old people rather than live with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job.On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible argument on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

The youth crime rate is rising rapidly in many countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What can parents and teachers do to solve it?

Some students do not have the natural ability for other languages. Some people think that schools should not force students to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?