IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

We live in world of technology these days. While internet brings clear advantage. The problems in term of security of information outweighs the advantages to what extent do you agree

#world #technology #internet #advantage #term #security #information
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology , the world has come a long way
therefore
 the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the past few decades . It is irrefutable that the internet become an integral part of our lives. In the midst of change , technology comes with something new to make our lives easier and more comfortable . The society has been divided into two groups as per distinct mindsets of different types of folks. On one side , a colossal number of people believe that the internet is a blessing to human society
while
on the contrary
 others opine with the notion they claim that
although
 the internet is very useful but yet there are some risks related to their personal identity and information . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both beliefs
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my point of view.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Begin with a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the question. State your position on how you view the balance between advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphing more effectively. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point. This clear structure helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
task response
Include specific examples or evidence to support your points. This strengthens your argument and makes your essay more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are distinct and clearly state your viewpoint. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position in light of the discussion.
task response
You have a good grasp of the topic and presented a balanced view, considering both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your language shows variety and complexity suitable for the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Prevalence
  • Global Connectivity
  • E-commerce
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Data Breaches
  • Identity Theft
  • Cyberattacks
  • Information Security
  • Advanced Security Measures
  • Regulations
  • Utilization
  • Limiting Potential
  • Mitigating Risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!