Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opiniion
In
this
era, sports
played a crucial role in enhancing our mental and physical health. It is integrated with all schools and considered as a new subject. Nevertheless
, A wide range of individuals believe that competitive games are essential for our children's education, while
others assume that it has hazards. In this
essay, I will elaborate on both views.
On the one hand, sports
have a positive effect on our children. It can improve their muscles and bones. Moreover
, when they are applied for a competition, it can spark their spirits. The sports
can teach them when they can celebrate and when they can not. This
can increase their manners and their sportsmanship. For instance
, In China, every month, a confined competition is established. This
made the kids connect with other kids in another area. This
assisted the child to improve his communication skills and manners.
On the other hand
, it can have its drawbacks. Firstly
, the kid may feel jealous if he loses. This
can affect his spirit. In addition
, he can be more violent and want to hurt others if he loses. One of the sparked instances, was when the Egyptian cyclist stuttered her competitor. It felt and had serious injuries. Moving further
, some of the pupils will waste their time. They will concentrate on sports
and will be careless about their subjects. This
will reflect on their marks and can diminish it.
In conclusion, there will be a debate on this
statement. The school teachers and parents should play a critical role in to balance between studying and playing. They should also
teach them the meaning of the sportsmanship.Submitted by mohannadsme on
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General
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of the topic, but there are some areas that can be improved. It's important to ensure that all points are clearly explained and supported with relevant examples.
Grammar
Minor grammar and vocabulary errors are present. Try to review and revise your essay to minimize such errors for a higher score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph clearly presents a single main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
Task Response
Enhance your examples with more specific details or studies to illustrate your points more effectively.
Introduction
Your introduction is clear and sets the context for the discussion.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reinforces the necessity for balance.