Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #function #music

The majority of people argue that

music

is relevant when it comes to relaxation.

Athough

Correct your spelling

Although

there are many genres of

music

around the world, I firmly believe that

music

can help calm people's

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

and

spirit

Fix the agreement mistake

spirits

show examples

This

essay will discuss why I agree with the given statement above.

Firstly

music

can be created with the different sounds around us and our daily activities can be linked to them. Any type of sound can be a form of

music

such

as the rain, the wind and even the sound an oven toaster makes when it finishes toasting bread. An example of

this

would be having a day out in a massage spa.

Music

can help set the mood and induce a feeling of relaxation

Change preposition

show examples

a person receiving the massage service. Combined with aromatherapy,

music

can make a huge difference in one's mood.

Moreover

, the presence of

music

can contribute to the level of productivity when a person is working or studying. Genres of

music

such

as classical

music

can stimulate the brain waves

while

studying

thus

there is better retention in one's mind. Another example that can be observed is in an operating theatre. Some doctors prefer to have

music

while

they are operating, the reason would be

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

that it helps them focus and it

also

makes the job more enjoyable.

Correct your spelling

I'm

Correct your spelling

In conclusion

concluson

Correct your spelling

conclusion

music

has many contributions to our day-to-day activities and it is most enjoyable during a period of relaxation

Submitted by joycegacho on Sun Apr 14 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging.

Coherence and Cohesion

Incorporate transitional phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay to have a more logical progression.

Task Achievement

Provide a broader range of examples to support your points. While you've given specific instances, adding more varied examples could strengthen your argument.

General

Check for minor spelling and grammar errors to polish your essay further. While these are small, they can impact the overall professionalism of your writing.

Introduction

Your introduction clearly stated your position on the topic, setting a solid foundation for your argument.

Task Achievement

You effectively used examples to support your main points, which is key in demonstrating your understanding of the subject matter.

Conclusion

Your conclusion succinctly summarized the essay, reinforcing your position and wrapping up the discussion effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

243 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that the most important function of music is to help people relax. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that industries growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth is creating environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

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some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers should be required to work in the country where they did their training. other believe they sould be free to workd in other countries. discuss both views and give your opinion

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults?

Some believe students should not use smartphones at schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?