Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfed with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #effects

The question of whether advertising is non-beneficial to societies and economies is very topical today, as it could considered to be persuasive. There are valid arguments on both sides, which I will discuss now. On the one hand, it is true that

consumers

may lose money from misleading

Change preposition

apply

show examples

advertisements, as they contain false information which firms intentionally do so.

For example

, the wide promotion of healthcare

products

attracts

consumers

who have information barriers to consuming a large number of

products

Furthermore

, the collaboration of the whole

society

may be significantly reduced, discouraging the development of

society

and economies, because

consumers

might not trust

producers

anymore and reduce the amount of transactions in the market.

Finally

, there are possibilities that advertising does not fully work, meaning no money is generated for

producers

, which is a waste of resources for all concerned.

On the other hand

, the supporters who believe advertising would help

society

and the economy become a better state where

consumers

could gain better

products

. Higher profits allow

producers

to reinvest in developing more advanced

products

by increasing their technologies or infrastructures. Another counter-argument is that, with some merit, unemployment may be reduced by revenue of firms increased. The need to increase the supply of

products

relies on enough labour force employed, meaning firms may hire more workers to complete orders in time.

Then

last

point, the government could supervise the

producers

, making sure they guarantee the quality of the

products

, which would improve the role of government in a radical way for the whole

society

Overall

, it appears to me that a stronger argument is in favour of advertising benefits

society

and economics, with advantages of increasing employment, and better

products

, emphasizing the role of governments.

Submitted by yu18526106986 on Mon Apr 15 2024

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structure

Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion. You did a great job of organizing your essay logically to make your arguments easy to follow.

cohesion

To enhance coherence, consider varying your linking phrases more and make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. This will strengthen the cohesion of your overall argument.

examples

Include more detailed examples to support your arguments. Real-world examples or statistics could make your points stronger and more convincing.

evidence

Be mindful of making overly broad statements without specific evidence. It's important to back up claims with clear examples or data where possible.

balanced discussion

You effectively discussed both sides of the argument before concluding with your own opinion, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

effective conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the points made in your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfed with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many working people get little or not exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reasons? What come be done to teach them this important skill?

Advertisements are becoming more and more common in everyday life. Is it a positive or negative development?

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

Some people think that it is a good idea to sociallise with work collegues during evenings and weekends. Other people think it is important to keep working life completely seperate from social life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.