IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
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The world is full of
crime
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. Some argue that
poverty
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 is the root cause of most
offences
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.
While
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 I acknowledge that
poverty
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 can be a significant influencing factor in
crime
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, it should not be considered deterministic. The causes of
crime
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 are highly complex, and it is difficult to reduce them to a single explanation.
Therefore
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, I disagree with the assertion that '
poverty
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 is the main reason behind most
crimes
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.'
To begin
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 with,
poverty
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 can increase the likelihood of individuals engaging in criminal activities. It has a detrimental impact on education, employment opportunities, and economic advancement, making it a major factor in
crime
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.
However
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, can we say
this
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 is absolutely true?
Although
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 impoverished environments may include various influencing factors
such
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 as rage, illegal drugs, and other elements, the connection to
crime
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 is not deterministic. The primary reason for
this
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 is that many other factors, including influences from peers, moral values, and childhood experiences, are
also
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 intricately linked to these
offences
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.
Moreover
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,
crime
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 includes a wide range of
offences
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, from petty theft to white-collar fraud and violent
crimes
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. Many individuals who commit these
crimes
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 do not come from impoverished backgrounds; in fact, many are well-educated and wealthy.
For instance
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, the recent arrests related to large-scale tax fraud and bribery involved elite groups connected to high-class families in the country.
Additionally
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,
crimes
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 of passion, hate
crimes
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, and ideologically driven acts cannot be directly tied to
poverty
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. In conclusion,
due to
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 the complex nature of
crime
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, identifying its true root causes is challenging.
Thus
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, I disagree with the argument that '
poverty
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 is the main cause of
crime
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,' as it overlooks many important factors,
such
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 as moral values, childhood experiences, and varying influences.
Furthermore
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,
offences
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 like
crimes
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 of passion, hate
crimes
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, and ideologically motivated acts cannot be directly attributed to
poverty
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.
Submitted by dmsangeeth on

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Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on how poverty may lead individuals into crime or why some impoverished individuals do not turn to crime. This could strengthen your argument by providing a clearer examination of the link.
Coherence and Cohesion
Refine paragraph transitions to further enhance the logical flow of ideas. Using words or phrases that guide the reader will make your argument more coherent and your essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response with clear arguments and thoughtful analysis of the role that poverty plays in crimes.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly sets out your stance, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reinforcing your position.
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