IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

News plays an important part of most people’s lives. Why there is so much news dedicated to bad news? Should the news focus on good news instead?

#news #part #people’s #lives #focus
News
 is like a mirror reflecting our lives, showing us what's happening in the
world
 around us. Over the past decades, the presence of recent
news
 has become an important part of our lives.
Moreover
, it is important to note that people rely on
stories
 screened on TV. Bad
news
 is everywhere in the
media
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two main reasons: how people feel and how
media
 companies make money.
First,
people are naturally more interested in bad
news
 because it makes them feel strong emotions like fear and worry.
This
 grabs their attention.
Second,
media
 companies want to make as much money as possible.
This
 often means they choose negative
stories
 because they know they will cause a strong reaction, even if they don't show the full picture of what's really going on.
However
, highlighting positive
stories
 not only provides a more balanced view of the
world
 but
also
 gives a more accurate representation of the
world
 because it takes into account the entire range of human
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Moreover
, positive
news
 can spark a sense of hope and resilience in communities. Providing information on progress and innovation can lead to a more optimistic public point of view. In conclusion, a balanced approach to
media
 reporting is essential, recognizing the importance of both bad
news
 and good
news
.
While
 the prevalence of bad
news
 may be driven by psychological factors and profit motives, highlighting positive
stories
 paints a more accurate and uplifting picture of the
world
, which is still very useful.
Submitted by libranefertiti93 on

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coherence cohesion
To score higher in coherence and cohesion, aim to use a wider range of linking devices and transitions. You've shown good logical structure, but varying your connectors and transitional phrases can make your essay flow even better.
task achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses the prompt. While you've discussed the prevalence of bad news and suggested a balance, going deeper into why the balance is necessary and how it can be achieved might enrich your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes your argument easy to follow.
task achievement
You effectively use examples to support your main points, making your argument more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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