More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. What are the most serious problems associated with obesity and what solutions can you suggest?

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It is an irrefutable fact that the issue of putting weight among

children

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in Western nations, where almost all people have good income compared to their expenditure has reached unprecedented levels.

This

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will examine the underlying causes of

this

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phenomenon before suggesting viable solutions to address it. One significant reason behind getting overweight among rich areas'

children

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is consuming more fast food is

due to

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the affordability of meat and oil which are the main ingredients of the faty meal. Eating more of it has contributed considerably to exacerbating the issue by being less active and emitting the exercise from the daily routine result in obesity which restricted

children

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from the wish of being athleate and other job depending

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their good physical condition.

Furthermore

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, most diseases are caused by high blood cholesterol ( vascular oil )

such

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as cardiovascular illnesses which occur by tightening the patch of blood flow in the body. To mitigate the impact of obesity in developed countries,

although

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, there are several measures that can be taken by governments and parents,

this

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downs more to governments than ordinary citizens.

Firstly

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, individuals in authority should introduce stricter regulations on getting more taxes on oil and meat meanwhile, funding to farmers to cultivate more, than husbandry to make more affordable the latter that the former to motivate people to use them in balance and even like vegetarian once.

In addition

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, another solution could be implementing educational programs to raise awareness about the disadvantages of adding to weight and emphasise the advantages of consuming vegetables. In conclusion, it is undeniable that obesity for

children

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in developed countries is a pressing concern. By adding the root causes and implementing effective solutions, society can hope to diminish its adverse effects significantly.

aliaghanjd74Wed Jul 17 2024

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task achievement

The essay addresses the problem of obesity among children in developed countries and proposes solutions, but the ideas could be more clearly and comprehensively developed. Try to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Some of the arguments are not clearly articulated or logically structured. For instance, the connection between government's measures and reducing obesity could be explained in a more coherent way. Work on organizing the points to flow logically from one to another.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical errors and awkward sentences that make it harder to follow the argument. For instance, 'This will examine the underlying causes' should be 'This essay will examine the underlying causes.' Proofreading your essay can help in reducing these errors.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and a conclusion which helps in setting the context and summing up the points discussed.

task achievement

The essay makes a good attempt to cover both the causes of obesity and the potential solutions, showing a balanced approach to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
overweight
Type 2 diabetes
heart disease
asthma
psychological impact
self-esteem
bullying
depression
nutrition
balanced diet
physical activity
healthcare costs
economic consequences
parental involvement

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. What are the most serious problems associated with obesity and what solutions can you suggest?

Your opinion

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. Is it a positive or negative development?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that schools should focus more on practical subjects, such as information technology and business skills, while others argue that traditional subjects, like history and literature, are still important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.