In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

In many countries, governments are spending
money
on new
technology
to deal with the public.
This
is happening because
technology
can make services faster and easier to
use
.
For example
, people can
use
websites to pay bills or apply for documents without going to an office.
Also
,
technology
can help the government be more open and honest by showing how
money
is used.
Technology
can
also
help in emergencies, like tracking diseases or giving health information. I think spending
money
on
technology
is a good idea. It can make things work better and save time. People can get services more easily, which can make their lives better.
For example
, renewing a driver's license online is simpler than going to an office. But the government should make sure that everyone can
use
the new
technology
, even people who do not have the internet or do not know how to
use
computers well. They should
also
keep people’s information safe from hackers. If they do these things, spending
money
on
technology
is good for everyone
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does a good job of responding to the prompt. You have clearly addressed both why governments are investing in technology and whether it is an appropriate use of government money. However, you could improve by providing more specific examples or data to further support your points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction and conclusion. Nevertheless, you could enhance the coherence by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
clarity
Your ideas are clear and well-organized, making it easy to follow your argument.
relevance
You have provided relevant examples, such as renewing a driver's license online and tracking diseases, which help illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: